Monday, February 09, 2009

Shared Experience of Glory

I have a weakness right now for the the phrase

Holy Holy Holy

I think Regan might get to sing it now since she is with Jesus. When I sing it I cry...but I sing it loud. It is something we might be getting to do together. It makes me happy.

The evening Regan was dying I sang the song "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" to her. We knew she was dying. I kept thinking about how this was the process she was going through. That soon she would "Look full in his wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace."

I sang it to my Granny the week I was with her too. I took a hymnal with me a few times when I went to set with her. I sang to her. I knew these were the songs that she needed to hear. Songs of hope eternal. Songs of our true home.

We sang "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" this week in church. So I started to cry because I have those recent memories. We don't sing it much anymore. So I am sure it is the first time I have sang it in a congregation in years....I remembered singing softly in Regan's ear. Telling her that if she saw Jesus she should go. Telling her how much we would miss her but how she would leave suffering behind.

Sunday I felt like maybe Regan would want me to hear these words. She really knows how wonderful His face is now. I was just dreaming about it when I sang it to her. I have never seen Jesus but I image it is lovely. Now it is her reality. I needed a reminder about the small and short these dark days will be compared to His eternal light and glory.

Some days feel really long lately. We all miss her. Since it is the dead of winter here there is not much glorious sun. This doesn't help things. We know there is a sun but at this point it is a distant memory. Last week I kept daydreaming about the pool, my backyard full of flowers, green grass, flip-flops, cloths on the line, counting up the days until lent will start so I can prepare for Easter. I needed some reminders of spring and reminders of what new life feels like. The light seems way too far out in the distance or way back in the past. We are in the in between...oh I hate this part. Yet He feels close by.

So, I feel blessed to know that God is with me. He outshines the sun. He is to be worshiped in every season. He promises that we can have new mercies everyday. I think that this means everyday...I am taking Him at His word. Praise God! Praise Him for Hope. Praise Him for the hope of a future, a shared experience of glory and for little glimpses of it now in the in between.


lindsaygreer said...

holy cow, Chantell. so good. i just sit here and cry and thank God that you are so faithful to share all your experiences. they bring me closer to Him. Love you friend!

NatalieScott said...

It is amazing how God has gifted you with words. I cannot imagine how hard life must be for you at times and how deep your pain must be. I tell my patients this all of the time when a loved one dies or they must make the decision to allow them to die... "It is glorious for the one who has gone. It is only hard for us. But, we will know His glory soon enough." There is comfort in those words, but it never takes away the sadness fully. Praise the Lord for your faithfulness as He guides you and your family through this life until we can all be reconciled with Him. May you truly feel His peace.
-Natalie Duncan Scott