Thursday, September 25, 2008

Sad but Good

Ryder and Rylee typically sleep in the same room when they sleep. It could be Ryder's room, usually Rylee's room and sometimes Regan's room. Since Regan died we took her bed and gave it to a friend of Regan's named Jeron. Now we have a new bed that has a trundle bed under it. This is easier for company....and for Ryder and Rylee to have another sleeping option. As if their own rooms are not enough! They would still love a fourth option to sleep with us BUT that is NOT an option....three is plenty.

So last night when I tucked them in. We had a going away party for Julie and her husband Vance. Julie was Regan's primary caregiver over the past few years. She is very close with our family. I hosted her wedding shower and baby shower so it is fitting that our home would be the place to say good-bye to her. So, Ryder prayed first and then it was Rylee's turn. She said, "Thank you Jesus for letting us have a party to say good-bye to Julie. It is very sad for us but a good-good-bye all at the same time." Julie is moving. Her husband got a new job. We have been praying for that. Julie wants to be a stay at home mom and now she gets to be. We have been praying for that too. However I guess I forgot to pray that all of this could be answered but still keep her close to us. So it is good. But this is another lose both for her and us. Julie loved Regan well. She was Regan's closest friend. She learned how to take care of her baby by loving our sweet Regan. Many mornings Julie and I cried together...trusted God together to help us do our jobs well...and take care of Regan. We were a good team!

I think good-bye's are usually like this. Good but sad all at the same time. Like when I leave my dad and mom's house, I am always sad but usually ready to go. They know this so this is not dis-respecting them. I am sure they are ready for us to leave too. We kinda take over. Their house was my home but now my home is with Brian and the kids. Life doesn't move backward very often. The life I had with my parents was good but now I am no longer childish and this life is the better life for me. (Even though when I go home I often revert to 11!) I am now what my parents raised me to be. I am more me. So this good bye is always sad but good.

Saying good-bye to Regan is sooooo good. She is so good. This place she is now is good for her. Her home is no longer with us but with God. She is now all she was meant to be. But it is so sad. So sad because we are not with her and she is not with us. We wish we could go back but life moves forward. Our hope when the saddness tries to over take us is that this is not our home...our home is with her ONLY because she is with God. We long for God because He is good. When we are home with him there will be no more more more confusion of the heart because things are sad but good....only Good.


farmnwife said...

We have named you for a blog award. Stop by if you want to copy the graphic and pass it on.

amyjo said...

The last 5 mo. have been quite a journey to say the least. Thanks for sharing your heart.

Kate McDonald said...

Thank you for sharing. Your story brought tears to my eyes and blessed me. May God draw nearer still

Kate McDonald

NatalieScott said...

I like to visit blogs of those I haven't heard from or seen in years. Yours is beyond words. It is humbling really how life happens all around us. So much has happened in your life. God is so evident in you and your beautiful family. I pray you will feel his presence in the times you just wish for one more hug. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish I could have met Regan. Someday... in Heaven she can walk up to me and give me a great big hug!