Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Mountians and Ocean

I haven't posted lately because we have been on vacation. A couple of weeks after Regan died I said in a post that I wasn't sure where I next photo would be. I wondered where...wondered what it might be like. I thought maybe it would be on a mountain top or on a sandy beach...I never imagined that God heard that as a prayer. I wonder if maybe you made it one. Over the past two weeks we did both. We spend one week at a CIY in Durango CO..Brian spoke at it but we did some fun things in the afternoon and evening when he was done. We also had a family give us a week in the Condo in Florida. So, here it is....

Horse back riding near Durango Co. Regan never rode a horse...But we love them. Our ride was peaceful. She loved peaceful times. Joe our tour guide said to me when we were leaving when the kids were already in the car..." You have great children maim...I see a lot of kids on this job and yours are some of the best." I agreed. He then said, "They listen and follow instructions well without being afraid." I said, thank you..I think this is part of Regan's legacy in them.We visited Mesa Verde National Park....we think it is beautiful there...we remembered that God is doing a work among all people through out all time.We know that there is something greater than Disney Magic and look forward to the day when He swings wide the heavenly gates and prepare a way for the risen Lord and not a Mouse...we hope Regan gets to dance upon injustice down the streets of heaven.

We had this beach all to ourselves. I think I felt closes to Regan this day. We feel so separated from her...like we are oceans apart. Ryder said that he thinks God made oceans and mountains to remind us (humans) that we are really small...and he is really big.

These two weeks were made possible by loving people CIY, the Rutledges, my friends who took care of my house and garden and fish, and Regan. We have never gone on a big vacation. It is always simple. LCC takes our small life insurance policies on all their employee and their children. We had our own life insurance policy on Regan. So we used this other small policy for this vacation. So in a weird way....this is her gift to us. Regan mostly loved us...not places or other people. Every day when I would watch Ryder and Rylee laugh I thought Regan would love that. She would love to make them laugh..and have happy memories. Memories that were without her but make possible by her. I hope God told her about it. It is hard making memories even happy ones with out here there. We were jealous of all the families we saw at the theme parks with special children in their family. I am normally not a jealous person. I like my husband, my kids, my life...I don't want any one else's....but I wish I was pushing Regan around Sea World...taking her out of her chair so she could see. Pushing her under the misters to cool down. Waiting on the side with Regan while Brian and the kids did roller coasters. I never felt left out just honored to journey with her along the edge. I wish I was seating with her at the ocean...letting waves crash in over her legs. No Disney magic can make this come true....we just miss her. We toasted to her one evening..."To a girl who taught us to see our glasses as half full."

4 comments:

Danielle said...

I love you guys!!

Stacy Peacock said...

You know you guys remind me of the type of people I wanna be...here I am stressing about life's little things, when all it takes is comment from a terrific young man to make me see that I am small in God's whole scheme of things and He will take care of me. Regan may be leaving a legacy for you so you guys can leave a legacy for the rest of us.

Mandy said...

"I never felt left out just honored to journey with her along the edge."

Those words, your heart, are the reason you're such an amazing mother, friend, wife, sister, daughter, teacher, etc. I suppose it's only the natural love of a mother to not feel burdened by circumstances not in your control but to simply love. You loved and still love Regan beautifully and with such great honor.

Glad you guys have enjoyed some good memories, but you're right...it is hard to have good memories when someone is missing. I can understand that...

Love you so much friend.

Hi-d-Ho said...

Beautiful photography...what a legacy. I can still see your pain and we are praying for you.