Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Happy Birth Day

Saturday was Regan's Birthday.....It is really still difficult to call it a Happy day. Rylee and I driving the day before and she said, "I just want Saturday to be Happy like it was when Regan was alive." I told her that I understood that but that it is hard to be happy because Regan is with Jesus now and not with us. She said she knew but she just didn't want to be sad. I told her I would work on it....maybe we could just be happy because Regan was born....I often call or write people on their birthday to tell them just that "Glad you were born!"

People sent flowers, cards, friends brought art supplies for St John's, Brian's family gave us a hope chest, my family visited her grave and put flowers there, so gave us gifts, we had a party...we watched home video, cried and kids played. One of my neighbors thought it was Rylee's birthday...He seemed surprised when I told him it was Regan's. Brian and I cried a lot. We miss her. We are disappointed that we have to talk about her in the past tense. Regan has received her reward....we are still waiting...It is painful to wait. I am thankful God's hope does not disappoint.

I am so glad that Regan Faith Mills was born. She was born on the first day of Summer. Summer is the season of Life.....even in her death she is teaching us how to live! She impacts me everyday. I am different because of her. She was used by God to make me more like him. I have been thinking about the love and devotion of our God to look on us with mercy through giving us Regan Faith. This was His will...not what I would have asked for but exactly what I wanted. I just didn't know because I am so limited. God used her life and testimony to inspire me to be more like Jesus by relying less on my own strength and to lean into Him for it. He used Regan to teach me pace. I am a doer and a goer.....the pace of life I used to lead was unholy...She slowed me down. This created space for me to be more aware of God's presence than I used to be. I am gentler....I am more passionate about God and His kingdom. He used her to teach me to stand firm in God's truth. To trust Him all the way.....To know He is Faithful.

The words to a great song say:
"He leadeth me O blessed thought! O words with heavenly comfort thought! What ere I do where er I be Still tils God's hand that leadeth me. And when my task on earth is done when by the grace of victory won. In death's cold wave I will not flee, Since God through Jordan leadeth me. He leadth me He leadeth me, by his own hand he leadeth me. His faithful follower I would be for by His hand he leadeth me.

4 comments:

KimG said...

Even in your pain, you are still so very wise. I truly admire that about you! May God continue to bless you with sweet memories from Regan's life and the lessons she has left for you to savor.

Love you!

HODAPP said...

so glad you ALL were born!

Cindy said...

Chantell and Brian,
I am very happy for the life that you were given by the Father...not only your three precious children, but EACH OF YOU...you are truly amazing people...the Lord is using you daily to teach all of us around you so many lessons. I'm so sorry for your pain and your loss. It's okay to miss Regan. The love you have for her still is permeating through every pore. It is love like that which ironically will carry you through because God's love is actually at the core of your heart. He always knows your heart and is with you no matter how deep your pain. I thank Him for His ability to always know, always comfort and always just BE. I love you.

Mandy said...

love you and have been thinking of you...

hope you're enjoying your travels friend! love you and enjoy your time away!