Wednesday, October 29, 2008


All three of my children are very different. Rylee is the type that leave things all over. On any given day you could find a pair of shoes, a pair of sunglasses, maybe a rubber ball that belong to her in multiple rooms throughout our home. Even though each night before she goes to bed I make her pick up all of her things and put them in her room and I do the same thing after I take her to school each day. Ryder is really into "his" music. He likes it loud and he likes all of us to participate in it. Sometimes when the windows shake I say, "really? Do we need it that loud?" Regan never left her stuff everywhere. She never left her music up too loud but what she did do was leave little nicks on my walls and door frames from her wheel chair. Our home is not new so our door frames and hallways are narrow. If you did not line it up just right you would hit the wall or nick the door frame. They look like these which happen to be on the door way in to Brian and my bedroom. Regan and I spent time in my bedroom almost everyday. Sometimes we folded laundry (which I am doing today) or sometimes on chilly days, like today, we would take naps together (which I hope to do later today) or sometimes she would hang out with me while I got ready (which I have done today).

But all our door frames have missing paint. It used to drive me crazy when we would hit the wall. It happened all the time. It happen in every room because she was in all of our rooms. She would play babies with Rylee in her room, listen to Ryder play trombone or watch him play video games. Sometimes she would hang out in Ryder's room on Monday nights with day and her and Rylee would watch the boys play GameCube while I was at Bible study.

Now her chair hardly ever leaves her room. Unless of course someone is staying in night with us and needs the trundle bed pulled out. So the reality is that there will be no more nicks on the walls just as there are no more memories to be made. No more costumes to sew or Christmas outfits to match or naps to be taken. Regan does not considered anymore. (Can I just say right her that WE LOVED taking her into consideration!) Though there have been no new nicks made in six long moths her imprint in our life is strong. Even when I paint over the chipped paint her imprint on us will remain.

Today I am glad that I have my memory. Today I am glad that we made so many wonderful ones with her. We lived life with her. Today I plan to shed lots of tears remembering them. I need days like this. Days when I am not rushing. When I can set in the floor of my hallway and remember the life that this hallway has seen. Today I am glad that these chips are here and actually glad that Ryder, Rylee and I were really bad aims....(Brian would want me to say in closing that he never hit the door frame or the wall: ) He is a man of habit and so unfortunately for the R, R and myself he doesn't make those kind of mistakes. Today I wishing that there was a little girl who happen to set in a wheel chair to roll through the hallway and maybe just maybe bump into the wall and leave her sweet imprint.


The Irwin Family said...

What a sweet girl! An honor and blessing to know! She's missed so much by many! Glad you have such wonderful memories and a day to dedicate to those special memories. She taught all of us many important lessons to carry on in her memory!

Dan & Tammy said...

shedding a few tears for you as I read this.

Mandy said...

Such a great connection between those imprints in the doorframes and the imprints Regan left on so many people.

Love you.

shannon said...

I'm so sorry you have to miss her and wait so long to see her sweet face again. I'm sorry you can't push her in her chair and ding the doors and walls, and cuddle and nap with her. Kate's right; the world just isn't the same without her. I would love to see her in her little yoda ears and smell her and hear her sing. I know y'all miss her so much. I love you.