Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The week my Granny was dying she asked me if I could see it. "See what?" I asked her. Now this happened several times. Some of you may not remember this by my Granny didn't know who I was for several years before she died. She did have some clarity the days before her passing but otherwise she hadn't known me in years. I would tell her who I was. She was always loving towards me. I think her soul knew she loved me....her mind just couldn't remember why. So when you are in this state you don't act politically correct. In her latter years she thought her doll was a real baby. She would sing to it the same lullaby she sang to me when I was a baby. She same song she sang to Ryder and Rylee when they were babies. She would ask children for their candy. She would think marbles were candy! She would say rude things sometimes. Nothing like her normal self but a sort of untamed one. I sometimes wish I had this courage. So, I tell you all this so you can know that she didn't feel the need to say things just to make anyone feel better. She just said what she thought was truth.

The week that she died she asked me if I could see him. "See who?" I asked her. She said, "Jesus and he has brought the children." I couldn't see him. I wish I could. She could. She put her hands out towards him...she would point to the children all around the bed. I whispered for her to "Go!' Even though my heart wanted her to stay. I was jealous that I couldn't see what she could see. I wanted to. Isn't it amazing that though she never saw Jesus with her eyes it was He that she knew...not us the ones she lived with but the ONE who knew her...Jesus.

My faith and hope aren't always high. My unbelief sometimes overwhelms my faith. This frustrates me because I want my belief to be firm. Sometimes the tide of grief over takes the ground that my feet are standing on. This week is one of those weeks. So I remember that in the end when I am ready to drop this earthy tent it will be Jesus that I see. The ONE who really knows me. Maybe I will get to see him a few days before. Maybe He will bring the children too. Maybe I will smile like Granny smiled when she saw Him. It is Jesus that makes it worth it. Every struggle....every tear...all the waiting....all the missing....all the struggle..... the hope that Jesus is the Omega of my life.

1 comment:

jkrbeloved said...

Chantell, praying for you guys. I love your Granny story. Kevin, Brea, & Emory have been staying with us for a few days while they get a plumbing leak fixed up, and Lisa and Chris were also with us one day while their AC was out, plus Michelle is home for the summer... we had a house full plus all 8 of our mutual dogs. I love having them all around! We had one more room available, but Steve and Brooke's house was ok.