Top Dogs 09

Today Ryder started 8th grade. Rylee started 5th. These are both the highest grades there schools go to. I am excited to see them grow as leaders this year. Brian and I took them to school but first we went to McDonald's for breakfast. This is not the breakfast of champions but it was cheep.

Rylee has the same teacher that Ryder had Mr Lanning. So they are looking forward to a rocking year!

This is our last year to have a student in elementary school. So this makes me tear up a little. Not as bad as I used to....I still cry for those kindergarten mom. I remember how sad that was for me. I anticipate next year to be a tough year. I will have one in Junior High and one in High School.

Tangled UP!

For the past two summers I have grown a flower in the same spot on my back deck. This year the Zinna's wouldn't grow there. So, I planted this in it's spot to celebrate Regan's birth day. Regan's grave marker is sits below it. I spend some time there most days. I love my back yard garden. I love to set beside this plant in the grass. It is my bit or paradise. I lay with my face to the sky. I watch the clouds. I listen to the birds sing. My tears water the grass below me. I miss my baby. I wish eternity didn't seem so far away. This lovely flower reminds me of her because she was lovely. It had tangled vines. You can't unwind them because they are tangled so closely. It is tangled so closely that you can't tell where one vine starts and the other one ends. Regan is tangled in our lives the same way. We can't get her unraveled from our lives. She is wound tight into our lives! I like it this way. However this makes my life more difficult. Everything reminds me of her.

Today I am going to babysit my friend's little girl Faith. She has autism. She also has the same therapist as Regan had. All tangled up!

Yesterday I was crying because I miss her. I was moving some dirt. So I was singing some "I miss you songs" while listening to my ipod. I was standing in the back of a trailer sweat streaming down my neck and tears down my checks. My neighbor heard me singing. She thought it was great. I thought it felt like a relief. Just like Brian, Ryder and I driving through the cemetery last night for half an hour. Ryder said, "I think people might think we are weird." All tangled up!

Sunday Brian and I rode in the elevator at church. I hadn't done that since she died. All tangled up.

Saturday I found new pictures of Regan had hadn't seen. They were on Rylee's camera. We enjoy looking at her in new ways. All tangled up!

Friday I saw one of Regan's little friend Kayla wheeling around in her back yard playing with her friends. She has an electric wheelchair. I wish Regan could play with her. I wanted to watch for a while but I think that is stocking. All tangled up!

You see I probably make people nuts because I can't stop thinking about her. I can't stop thinking about her. I guess she is just all tangled up.

Often times I think about the power of a question. My dad first asked my mom on a date after buying a 5cent comb from her (she worked as a soda jerk at a drug store). I wouldn't be here if she wouldn't have answered yes to that question.

One of the most important questions we ever answer is..."Do you believe that Jesus is the Christ Son of the Living God."

I have several college girls and some high school girls who have made there way through my home. Our relationship started with me asking me to be in my small group. They challenge me. They make me strive to be all I can be. I know they are watching me. I want to be a good model.

Some friendships are sparked by "Would you like to come over for dinner?" Maybe "Would you like to go out for a coke?" I have great relationships that started this way.Jesus walked around asking questions all the time. He even answered questions that were given to Him by asking another question.

I have been forgiven of a lot. "Will you forgive me?" Such a hard thing to ask. Such a hard thing to answer. Can I really forgive that.....?....them?.....myself...? especially when I keep doing what I ask forgiveness for.

This summer I have been thinking about how much my life changed because a young man asked me to marry him. Our son just turned 13.....He never would have done that if his dad had not asked, "Chantell, will you marry me?" Everyday I chose to love that guy. Man I am glad he asked.

Some questions change your life....some for the better....some not. I keep thinking..."Will you take up your cross daily and follow me?" Man now that is a hard question. It is the most difficult. I am pretty good at picking it up every other day but sometimes I just need a day off. But no...."today will you pick it up?"


Questions??????