Monday, January 21, 2008

Monday's Muse

When you are constantly suctioning mucus out of the back of your daughter's throat it makes it very difficult to take time to cuddle with her. It is practically difficult because you need two hands to suction and two arms to hold; since hands are connected to arms you could see the difficulty.
The other issue is that she requires so much in these moments that every other moment I need to be doing something to keep the rest of the family afloat. Unfortunately, cuddling because low on my "to do list." I am a task person so this list is important to me...many times too important. There is also the issue of cuddling with someone who has oxygen tube on her face, feeding tube in her belly, drain tube in her belly, on top of the suction. It is cumbersome and annoying.

A side effect of all of this is it also interferes with my time with Ryder and Rylee. Really it is the same issues. Practically it is difficult because you are constantly jumping up to suction. You need two arms to cuddle a big kid too and it still takes two hands to suction. My to do list and task driven personality interfere with my deep desire to hold my kids (which they both still want everyday even though Ryder is 11! Yea!)

So last night I put it on my "to do list." Ryder and Brian went to St Louis for the afternoon and evening. It was Sunday...I try to do the least amount I can on Sunday because it honors God and reminds me He rested too! Rylee had her friend Danielle over to play for a few hours so I could spend time with Regan. So we sat. I unhooked her feeding need to time limit because she didn't need any breathing treatments. My arms and hands were free and my to do list was being checked off because I got to spend a great two hours holding my baby girl. We talked to Nana (my mom) on the phone. Regan likes to talk to her on the phone because she has a great voice...she is excited to hear her and almost always responds. When I hold Regan I remember how much I liked to cuddle. I still do.

At 9pm Rylee's friend left and then Rylee and I reset the house, got Regan in bed, got our jammies on and then snuggled in my bed. Rylee loves to snuggle in my bed. I understand because I am almost 35 but laying in bed with my mom is one of my favorite places. It sounds weird I know but it Shalom to me. She and I love to talk so we just go on and on. Rylee and I are the same. Last night we mostly read. She read "Honestly Malory!" and I read "Cold Tangerine's." We laughed when we turned pages at the exact same time. We had our legs all knotted up together. Regan was in her bed listening to Josh Groben. We read for an hour. Then she said, as she laid her book down, I want to rest. She snuggled in close and read my book with me. She said, "Is this book about her life." Yes I replied...."like a blog in print." She wished there were pictures. I read for another thirty minutes. Then I just looked at her. She is a beautiful girl. She is growing up. I love it and hate it all at the same time. I wondered if when she is 35 if she will still want moments like this. I know I will.

ps thanks for the prayers about the seizures...none all day yesterday!


Suzanne said...


Thanks for the reminder of cuddling as a priority. I needed that.


KimG said...

Yes, cuddling as well as time alone with each child is becoming increasingly important to me as my girls get older. Yesterday I made a new plan for school in which I spend 1 hour with each one. Tomorrow will be the test run; hopefully it will be a success. Glad you all had a good weekend!

Kim Gilmore

Dan & Tammy said...

Thanks for the encouragement to cuddle with my kids. It's amazing how laying in bed talking with your mom is such a great memory. My sisters and I try to do that as much as we can when we are home. :)

Dixie said...

Monday's Muse:
I just finished reading your "muse" and felt I needed to respond.
Being the mother of 3 chdn who are still at home, active in church, school, sports and whatever is more than a full-time job. I admire you so much in your success of being a great "mother"! And I know you're a great one by the way your chdn respond to you and Regan.
I have done some suctioning myself, not on my child or even a loved one, but in the hospital. It's one of the most terrifying things I had to do...and to do it around the clock! Oh my! I think Regan knows you are "cuddling" her every time you suction her, every time you change her position, every time you fill her feeding tube, every time you talk or sing to're cuddling her! You ARE using your 2 hands and 2arms...wrapping them tightly around her to give her a few more moments of life. How precious!
Don't ever feel you're leaving the other chdn out when your day gets full caring for her. It's when you give her the attention she needs that that cuddling love spreads out to the others. They can see how much you love them by the love in your eyes, the softness of your voice, the patience you show them...that's all a form of cuddling! Many times a cuddle takes the form of a whisper, a pat on the back or a slight rub of a hand...or a smile.
What a precious time...just to sit and be able to hold your baby for a while...unencumbered by tubes and wires! A moment not to forget.
What a blessing Rylee still likes to spend quality time with Mom...for some of us older moms who didn't know the value of that special time with a child, that blessing was missed. Savor it like a favorite flavor of ice cream!
Tell little Regan I was listening to Josh this morning as I was studying for Bible study. He's one of my favorites...and my husband took me to see him as a surprise "just because" one night. Tell her he really IS cute!
I pray God's blessing on you and all your family. And thank you for being such a blessing to so many of us out here!
Dixie Gramke

shannon said...

You are such a great mom. You truly are. No wonder all 3 of your kids like to cuddle with you. I am praying for as much cuddle time as possible for you in the midst of being a wife, mommy, ICU nurse with 24 hour shifts, SFG leader, amazing friend, thoughtful customer, and generous neighbor, etc. Thanks for sharing your heart. Love you!