Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Some thoughts

Because God gave us the advantage of knowing in advance that Regan would not live a long life on earth I have considered her death, funeral and burial many times. I pictured what it would be like to sit in the chapel and praise Jesus through my pain. I have done it there many times. Sometimes Regan was with me...sometimes not but I've known for years we would have her funeral there. I always prayed that all five of us would be together when Regan passed. I wanted us to have that memory of her. I wanted the four of us to have each other. We really love each other we we help each other in ways other people can't. Outside of giving birth to my children it was the most beautiful moment of my life. I wouldn't change even one things. The funeral was perfect too. She loved LCC. She loved to listen to her daddy preach in those walls....she loved to listen to many godly men speak truth. It is a room where God has ministered to us so many times. He did it again.

Yesterday we rode in a limousine behind Regan while she rode in the hearse (sp?). We drove out to the hill where Regan is laid. I am so happy she lays with red dirt around her. It is the same dirt I played in. The man who dug her grave is also one of my best childhood friends' dad. He was emotional with me. I knew her body was in good hands. Her casket looked say to small. The sun was so bright. In Regan's old life she would of had a tough time being there. But yesterday she was the one with no issues at all. We were surrounded by our family, people I grew up with and people that started Regan's journey with us in Dallas. What a full circle moment. God has been with us because He is always near the brokenhearted. No parent should ever have to do that.

Last night I sat out on my parents front porch and yard. Brian was out with his friend but so I spent some time with my family. My brothers made me laugh until I cried. The kids played in the sprinkler. Ryder with the help of two cousins made a memorial spot out by the fort. It is really great! Terran, my 4 year old niece said, "It's cuz we just miss her." Me too Terran me too.

We slept with the widows down in the house. Since early this morning I've been laying in bed listening to the birds sing. Wondering what type of birds she gets to hear in Paradise. The birds made me smile and cry. I heart breaks with the distance of time between now and when I will see Regan again. I am over whelmed with the brilliance of God's design that I would ever get to. I cling to this hope...cuz I just miss her.


Mandy said...

I just love that God is giving you glimpses of what Regan is experiencing now...with the beauty of the birds singing and breezes blowing through the windows. It's just so beautiful.

Love you friend.

Thanking God that we have that hope to cling to.

KimG said...

I wanted so much to be there yesterday and just sit with you. Know that I am praying for your journey and that God blesses you with many more glimpses of hope in your future.

Love you,