Wednesday, April 02, 2008

A year later.....

One year ago today we thought would be Regan's last day in her earthy body and her first day in life everlasting...a day she would be made new...the day we would let go and she would see Jesus. We thought it would be Regan's first day to walk, talk, raise her hands, confess with her mouth Jesus as Lord, hug, and sing a New song. We spent a few hours trying to figure out as a family we would walk out of St John's without Regan. We cried about how hard it would be to walk up Regan's ramps at our house without her. How we would drive her van home with an empty wheel chair in it...we were excited that Regan wouldn't need it anymore BUT we all cried because we agreed we all really LOVE taking care of her. I remember Rylee was in the bed with Regan and with tears falling down her face she said "I just don't want to let go". Brian rubbed her leg and told her he didn't want to either. She was wrapped in one of Regan's blankets from home. Regan basically has slept every night of the last 5 years under one these two blankets (both of them are in this picture). Brian was setting on the edge of the bed. Ryder and I were at the end. We had gathered around her for our good-bye to her. It was the hardest day of my life so far...I am sure there is a day somewhere in the future that will be harder. I remember feeling so frustrated that we had to go through this...yet so at peace with God's timing and will.

Many of you remember all of this because you were with us...reading along....praying to Jesus..preparing your own children. Crying tears all over the world. Nurses and Doctors filed through as new spread. Interestingly, Brian and I were at St John's last night, we volunteer there once a month, and I was chatting with a couple of nurses and we were talking about last year...about how hard it was for them. How unique that whole time was for everybody.

I remember going into the bathroom that was in our room and calling my sister because I couldn't figure out how to call my mom. I felt so bad asking her to do it ...to make the call I had no words for...my sister and I cried on the phone. We've cried lots of times together because we are sisters but this time we basically said three sentences..I told her it was happening. She said she was sorry and I said me too....the pain was the worse I have ever felt..it took my breath away.

Too many emotions to make sense of anything. Only tears and cries loud and soft for God's help to please deliver us from all of this. We prayed prayers of thankfulness for our grand opportunity to care and love Miss Regan Mills. We mostly tried to remember that God is a good Father...and that we trust HIM all the way.

Then all of a sudden as we are taking turns holding her...God began to take our breathe away for a whole new reason. I think God heard Rylee's prayer. To this day the doctors there call it a miracle. When we see them around the hospital they ask how she is and we say "good" they shake there head. We laugh. I took this picture of Regan on Easter while we were in KC. I makes me happy. It is amazing that a girl with only hours to live as lived an entire 365! And none of them where in the hospital.
This morning Brian and I along with Ryder and Rylee gathered around Regan in her bed again. Like last year we prayed a prayer telling God how thankful we are for our sweet Regan...how we consider it one of life's greatest gifts that we and call her ours...that we know her so well and get to care for her. We confess how much we trust Him all the way. We said Amen. Then Rylee started singing "Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Regan Happy resurrection Birthday to you."

We know Regan didn't die all the way but to us it feels like she is living a new life...I can't help but think of how the writer of Hebrews describes Jesus...and I make that my prayer for us today.....that the same could be said of us...Brian, Chantell, Ryder, Rylee and Regan Faith but also you too!

"While Jesus was here on earth, He offered prayers and pleadings, with a loud cry and tears, to the ONE who could deliver Him out of death. And God heard His prayers because of His reverence for God. So even though Jesus was God's Son, He learned obedience from the things He suffered." Hebrews 5:7-8

Let that be so of us....let that be so!

5 comments:

Manda & Nolan said...

I can't believe that was a year ago already. Think about all the great things you have learned from her over the last 365 days you didn't think you'd have. What a blessing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts again, Chan. I love you and I'm glad we still have days to learn from Regan.

Stacey said...

Wow, sister, I am amazed at your little gift in Reagan. Your family is on my mind often and I am thankful for your encouragement on here. I can't believe how grown up all your kids look!! Tell them all we say hey!! We are thanking God with you today.

Jen and Joel Searby said...

So, I'm crying again. But I'm very happy for your little family!

Mandy said...

man, i remember reading your blog from Romania last year and crying and my own heart stopped beating halfway around the world for Regs. It is amazing the things that God does in His time.

Give Regan some kisses for me. Love you all.

Dave, Kristen and Katelyn McCurdy said...

We have loved following what the Lord is doing in and through your family! Thank you for sharing your life with us!