We are back in Lincoln. Life seems to be at full speed. We are not. Yet it seems we have to keep up with a life that wants to move on but hearts that want to stay planted in the past. We have attending American Girl Fashion Shows, Hosted a Baby Shower, Went to church, gone out to eat, sat with a friend after surgery, be excited by the birth of Regan's friend Julie's baby, gone to track meets, gone to work, taught bible study and even more I am sure....this only in four days of being home.
So, we are moving on but life is so much different. It is quieter. We are quieter. I am quieter. I keep listening for her, thinking I hear her...Rylee said, "I just want to go back." Me too Rylee. Unfortunately in life we do not move backwards we move forward. This however makes this pain of loss even deeper. Many people have told us that they are happy they are that we will not have to take care of her..that we will have freedom. Funny thing is it feels like bondage not to take care of her. Raising Regan was one of the greatest blessings of my life. God set eternity in our hearts..so I would have done that forever.
I know many of you are praying for us. I have had many people ask or email me about the blog. Wondering if I would keep going. Yes, I will. I write on this thing because it frames my thoughts. I am sorry in advance for the thought I know I will have. I am trusting God for sufficient grace for myself and for you. Everyone who has lost a child says the most difficult days lie ahead.
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6 comments:
You all have been and will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers!!
I know that people mean well in speaking of the "freedom" that you now have available to you. However, I know that you didn't feel like you were in bondage. You served Regan joyfully and without regret. Yes, we are praying. Many times a day the Lord brings you to mind and I lift you up even if but for a moment.
Hey Guys,
Prayers from Cincinnati as we think of you and your family. We mourn with you as you grieve. You are amazing people with a Kingdom impact that you will never fully know this side of Heaven. Thank you.
-Matt & Ashley Johnson
i weep for your quietness. brian and chantell you are amazing parents, your children confess to that. thank you for your example to me.
shauna
The "normal" parts of life become the hardest parts. So many people will have wise things to say...but you already know to listen to the quietness of the Lord Almighty. Love you so much...Susan
Also praying for you over here in Russia. So sad I didn't get a chance to meet Regan. Asking God constantly for His comfort to cover you each day.
In Christ,
Misty
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