Wait Control?

Five years ago today--when life changed forever--I remember well how hard it was to wait. We were disoriented. We didn't know what we were dealing w/ in Regan. We didn't know how our lives would change. And our lives had been relatively easy up to that point--so we weren't sure how to handle personal crisis of this magnitude.

I was impatient for test results. I was impatient for Regan's progress. I was impatient to interpret it all w/ doctors & try to peak around the corner. But we constantly had to wait. We were in the hospital for nearly a week....we spent most of that time waiting for the next test, result, event or consultation. And when we got home the waiting got worse. Now our doctors had to schedule weeks ahead just to see us 45 minutes. You'd think after 5 years of that, we'd be used to waiting for answers. But I'm not.

I know God is teaching me to wait on him...to trust him. But that's hard for someone who is independent in the name of "responsibility" and a control-freak in the name of "stewardship."

Chantell, Ryder, Rylee & I have been here w/ Regan all day...we spent the night up here last night after some warning from the doctors that Regan could get much worse. But the good news is that she hasn't. There's been no relative change. She's still working much too hard for every breath. And we're still holding ours to see how she'll do.

The bottom line is this: Regan is receiving the most aggressive & supportive therapy she can get right now--and she's not improving. The doctors try to calm us by saying it will just take time--for some kids it can take days to see real improvement. But they admit their concern for Regan's energy resources. How long can she endure labored breathing? It seems we have to wait and see...thanks for waiting w/ us.