Monday, April 16, 2007

Doing things Regan loves....


The sun is finally out here. Praise God for sunshine! (Sorry Miko)...Regan hates the rain and wind. It always takes her by surprise. She is glad to be able to go outside without getting blown away. We just went for an evening walk. We like to do that in the Spring, Summer and Fall. It is an even greater workout for me know because Regan's chair weighs so much now. (Just another way God uses things that are evil for good! Rom 8:28) The sun gives me hope. Spring is such a reminder of God's redemptive process. I feel blessed by it.

Regan had a great day...we love days like that. Church was her only outing all week. It is so good to fellowship with the body each Sunday. It brings strength. We also went to Bloomington and ate a Panera which is our favorite restaurant. Then we went to stroll around the mall. Regan loves the mall (even with all the rubber-neckers!). I am so glad we get good days with her. I am so glad we were chosen to love and care for her. What an honor it is to love these children God has given me.

Brian and I can't quit talking about how God is continually teaching us about the resurrected life through this current time. Even though we know that Regan's time is limited we feel like this is an experience to what Romans 8 calls us to as believers..to live with death behind us because we died to self and been brought to life in Christ.

As a mother I faced my greatest fear two weeks ago today (the lose of a child). Since in my heart and mind Regan was gone. That day I had to let go of her and give her over to God. As Ryder said in those tender moments that day, "It is Jesus' turn; He can take His time with her." Even now the pain and the spirituality of those moments is so strong in my mind. Yet I also feel empowered by it..that's the resurrected life, a life of freedom...the fear of death has no hold on me.... " mindset of the Spirit is life and peace" (Rom. 8:6). I want to walk in the mindset of the Spirit...to rest in The Life and Peace.

I am also comforted to knowing that these days we are in the perfect plan and will of God. This was his plan. He is in control. Most days I have no words to describe how I feel. How do you explain pain, joy, confusion, ..it is like my mind and body have whiplash....yet my soul is comforted by the work of the Trinity. The Spirit is moaning, Jesus himself searches our hearts and intercedes for us, and the Father works out His will. What a team that is on our side. Praise God that He is not limited to my words in prayer. That is one of Regan's lessons to me. He searches...He pursuits me...though the pain seems relentless SO much more relentless he HE.

"And in the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know who to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for works and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is because He intercedes for the saints (that's us who believe) according to the will of God." (Romans 8:26-27)

I've taken a couple weeks off from teaching. I better get back to doing it because your going to get tired of reading all my ramblings. I just need to get them out. I need to write them down. Thanks for reading.

8 comments:

Julie said...

Thanks for writing.

Jane said...

Never do I tire of you or Brian's writings. To express your hearts blesses ours. Thank you for living out your faith and sharing it with all of us. Keep writing...we check it all the time for the updates of your hearts and lives. Regan is being prayed for by our extended family that you have not even met. God IS in control and what a sweet comfort that is. Keep believing...

amyjo said...

I was just getting ready to say "thanks for writing" and saw that Julie already had :-) But still, thanks for writing :-)

Dixie said...

I have been keeping up with little Regan's journey the last few weeks. I am a friend of Sue/Larry Gilliland...well, maybe just Sue! :o) Susie, as I call her, must be an aunt of someone.
I'm writing to let you know that altho we don't know your family, we still pray for Regan and you. Actually, I don't think you need much prayer...you're so very close to God, knowing He's in complete control...what can be better than that? But know that every morning as I do my Bible journaling, you're all lifted up to Him.
Thank you so much for believing that Regan was given to you to minister to, to love, to care for. I truly believe this! He knew it would take a special family to care for her! Thank you for being that family!
We now live in Wichita, KS, but I was born and raised in Waverly, IL. I have a sister in Marquette Hts, by Pekin...and most of her family live fairly close. Her church has had several "passing thru" ministers from Lincoln, sorry I can't remember the name of the church. She, Rhonda, is the only one in my family who is 'medically challenged'. Due to emphysema from smoking all her life, she's on oxygen 24/7...and still smoking..so she's quite a thorn in my side!
I must get to my journaling. A mile swim this morning came first, then breakfast (or brunch).
Give little Regan a hug from a Grandma of 11, Great Grandma of 5 1/2..and a Mom of 3 sons! Have a wonderful day, full of smiles and giggles!
Dixie

parianhull said...

Love your ramblings!! We learn so much just from ramblings! Thinking and praying for you all the time! Talk soon!

mckeelife said...

Small world...Larry and Sue are our cousins...and I've been praying for you since my sis Tammy Grinn worked with you at Lincoln. 5 or so years ago. I love how God connects us in so many ways, as does your writings. I'm inspired by your "ramblings". Keep it up!
--heidi

Mills Family said...

Okay...just for clarity. Brian has an Uncle Larry and Aunt Sue and so do I. So Dixie's friends are Brian's Aunt and Uncle and Heidi's relation is mine. Great to hear from all of you. The responses to Regan's story contiune to come in via email as well. Oh, how I long to know all of them someday.

megan said...

I miss you all so much! And I love you!