Monday, April 02, 2007

What Next?

We just finished 3 hours of painful crying.

Around 7:30am--after having a really peaceful and good night--Regan had a pretty big seizure. She was pretty "out-of-it" afterward, which happens quite often. But her heart rate dropped suddenly seven times over the next 3 hours or so. I noticed her pupils unusually dilated, and they were unresponsive to light. Around 11am, I noticed that one was completely dilated & the other was completely constricted. She was also relatively unconscious. When the doctors looked at it, they said she probably had a stroke or severe brain swelling. A CAT Scan or EEG would not yield enough helpful information to direct treatment, so they said she was clinically brain dead: feeling no pain & hearing nothing. The prognosis was not good, so we had to make a difficult decision.

We gathered the kids around the bed and said good-bye for 90 minutes or so. Through many tears we told Regan how proud we are of her, how much we love her, how much she has blessed us, and that it was OK for her to rest. At the same time we had to be honest that we're not ready to be a family of four. We don't want to get in the van without her. And we can't imagine our house without her singing. Rylee even worried for Moby (our dog), who she said would miss Regan terribly. Then we said a prayer, thanking God for the blessing Regan has been and giving her back to him.

Next, we asked the doctors to disconnect all of the IV's & breathing machine. We held her in our laps, took pictures, told stories, molded hand-prints, ate some lunch & gathered our energy for whatever would be next.....

And then, she woke up.

Her "numbers" haven't looked better all week! The doctors don't understand why or what is going on. There is no good reason for her to be awake. They thought it would only take a couple of hours after disconnecting the machines for her to be at peace. But instead, she's still with us. And they're scratching their heads, laughing and giving Regan credit for being one tough cookie. In our favorite doctor's words, "Regan typically ignores the medical books."

What next???

I can't explain the fatigue from the emotional roller coaster. Chantell & I are both pretty "hands-on" when it comes to life & decisions........but we're completely out of control here. We're completely stripped of power & wisdom. We're utterly at the mercy of God and the will of Regan. And that's OK. We don't know if this will last a few hours or a few days. But we said last Monday night that we would run w/ Regan through this as long as she wanted to run...apparently it's not time to hang up the running shoes just yet. Thank you so much for running w/ us. We really couldn't do it w/out your support.

This brings up a whole set of questions and potential situations we're not prepared to deal with yet. Would you please pray for wisdom & endurance? We have no clue what is next. And so, again...Psalm 33... "We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you."

10 comments:

Suzanne said...

Thank you for sharing this with us. Erin and I were just praying for Regan, and Erin prayed with tears that God "would put his MOST healing hand on Regan." That is our prayer. We love each of you very much.

parianhull said...

May the God of love, mercy, peace and miracles brush His healing hand over your aching bodies and emotions. We pray for the Almighty One to heal a young body and give her peace. Our hope is in You Lord!

'becca said...

Today we went to visit a church in the campo (sp? spanish countryside). Near it was a marker where the ciry of San Miguel began. The church was a mix of the religious of old and new (aztec and catholic). There was a little room with a small alter where people bring flowers and other offerings and pray for their loved ones. Elliott found a beautiful flower and asked to place it on the alter and pray for Regan. He walked inside and knelt down on his knees (I took a photo, one moment I could not pass). He paryed this prayer.. Dear God, Thank you for this day. Please take Regan in your hand and keep her safe. Give her strength to breath. Thank you God. amen.

Still praying in Mexico, we love you. ~ 'bec and boys

Justin and Katie said...

You are in our thoughts and prayers. As God has guided you this far, we are confident that He will continue to guide you and bring you peace in your decisions and in your heart. What a mighty God we serve, who heals, who sustains and loves us more than we can imagine.

Jane said...

There are no words...only our love and heavy, hurting hearts with yours. All five of you are so dearly loved by us. Ever on our minds, in our thoughts and prayers.

jkay said...

Just read your blog and have passed the word to thoes that do not have access to it. We are praying and crying with you here in Salina. We love you all, and your faith is guiding us in our race that seem so smooth compared to yours and little Regan. Love to you all.

The Fitz's said...

Reading your blog today brought tears to our eyes. We weep with you, we rejoice with you - Regan is an inspiration to us. You are in our prayers!
Love,
The Fitz's

David&Hilary said...

David and I read your blog and our hearts stopped. Now we are speechless. Praise God for this amazing turn of events. I pray God answers your "What next?" question with more amazing and wonderful news. Bless you, bless you, bless you after the day you all had today. We LOVE YOU GUYS and are constantly praying.

Poncho De Musico said...

Wow. Just plain Wow.

Mandy said...

I was just reading this from Romania, and I've been thinking of you guys and praying for you all week here. I'm so glad I had the chance to read this and my heart was racing halfway through this blog. Thanks so much for sharing this, and I'm glad you're willing to let us help carry the burden.

Love you so much!
Mandy