A new view of M &M

My heart has a new love for Mary and Martha. I've always considered myself a healthy hybrid of the two. I love nothing more than to set at the feet of Jesus and fix meals for others who long to do the same. My husband preaches the best sermon I've ever heard over these two women. So much theology packed in their story. Over the past few weeks I have learned to be comforted by their love and passion for Jesus even more. In John Chapter 11 Mary and Martha have a death in their family. They believe in Jesus. They have watched Him heal the blind, the lame and the deaf. They believe He is the Sun. I encourage you to set down with this familiar story and read it. I can't stop. I keep looking at it, pouring over it, listen to the Father as he pulses truth as a soak it in. Jesus says, "Lazarus died. And I am glad for your sakes that I wasn't there. You're about to be given new grounds for believing. Now let's go to him." (Message)....Here Jesus also says "I am, right now, Resurrection and Life."

As I replay the scene and the turn of events I wonder why he let her lay there for days...struggling so hard. We knew he could heal her. We believe he is the Son of God. But he didn't...He waited. He seemed Regan's time here...her struggle here was done. I remember how frustrated I was that what was robbing her of life was not the lungs but some other neurological breakdown. I remember asking "Why this?" "Why now?" But it was evident to all caring for her Regan was dying. Brian, Ryder, Rylee and I buried her there in that tomb of a bed. You remember ...you read the blog entry...your heart stopped too. Why couldn't Jesus have come before all that pain. I think if Jesus were actually here he might say....

"Regan is dying. And I am glad for your sakes that I haven't fixed it before now. You're about to be given new grounds for believing."

I am going to be really honest here. Some of you may think I've gone off the deep end but I say this with as clear a mind as I have ever had. I wonder why God didn't let Regan die two weeks ago. I wonder why now we have to wait for it to happen again. It happened again for Lazarus. He eventually died. He didn't live forever. I wonder how Mary and Martha felt. By that point they had seen him and Jesus raised from the dead. They must understand death and resurrection in a way no one else can. I wonder if this understanding made it any easier to let their loved ones go the second time. Lazarus to his second death and Jesus' assention into the heavens.
Right before Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead scriptures say Martha reminds Jesus that the situation is to far God..it's simply too late. Then "Jesus looked her in the eye. "Didn't I tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God.""

I keep thinking that I must be in one of those moments. Wondering what all this will turn out to look like. Rethinking every situation. Not wanting to ever go their gain. So happy he did it but tired from all that means. Wishing I could see all the story unfolded. Yet here I am in the thick of it all..so every day I look into Regan's eyes and listen to hear the Savior whisper to me ..."didn't I tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God." I want the eyes to see...the ears to hear..oh let it be so sweet Savior. I cry out..I believe but help my unbelief.

I think of those two so much. I hope when we get to feast at the table I can get a table for four some night Mary, Martha, Me and Regs....(Maybe Martha and I could cook!). But I want to hear what Jesus taught them through their experience.