choose this day!

Today was Regan's urology appointment. We arrived at St John's at 10:45 for an 11am sonogram and xray. Then the appointment started at 1pm. This was on of those days where you can tell from the very beginning that nothing was going to go right. I decided early on that NO MATTER WHAT I was not going to get mad. I knew the evil one was seeking who he was going to devour...and today that was ME.....sorry not today! So the worse it got the happier I became. Regan and I just put our heads and kidney's forward and took whatever blow the evil one choose to throw at us. Needless to say it was a fun day! There is not enough room in the blog to list all the attacks. But one funny/favorites was an x ray tech who actually asked Regan to hold her breathe while she snapped the x ray!!!! Are you kidding me? This was one of those days that you just CHOOSE who you WILL serve...as for me and Regan ....we serve the LORD!

However the sonogram and x rays showed that she is did pass two of the stones that were in her kidneys so we are down to two!!!! Yea!!! We will have to go back in six months to check again. We have been off the medicine for a while that we think was causing them. So, hopefully no more will develop.

....off to listen to my class downloads...not as exciting as it sounds...

,,,,,,,,are you awake????????

AWAKEN is on its way! The All high school girl event that I help to plan is just a few days away. Will you pray about that for me! I believe so much in this tool of the Lord's. I feel stressed about about all I have to do not only for this but also for my class and our parts of my life. I know that it will soon be over but it will be a lot of hard work to get there. Fortunately hard work is one of my favorite things! Rylee is planning to attend with me so that will be some fun time for her too! I praise God that he has given me this ministry to be a part of. I love the chicka's that I work with and even more so I love the ONE who awakens my heart to all things. His passion for me is a gift. It fuels me to love more deeply and breathe grace as often as HE does.

This morning I am reminded that he fame continues be awakened through the whole earth. I received word that my sweet Megan (who's been in my SFG for three years) is finally on the move. She has been stuck in southern part of her Guinea for two weeks. She is awaiting peace from the riots so they could more to their destination in the northern part of Guinea. I have another dear one who of mine who is in China. She is spreading the Love in a blessed city. Shannon another of my SFG girls is planning her life in Niger Africa. As well as one of my dear friend Becca who just returned home from Uganda. Even as I write this tears run down my face as I think of the Love of our FATHER being spread to those who need to hear. The evil one has lied and JESUS has come to AWAKEN us to His light. This morning the song that says "How Deep the Father's love for us (all over the world)...How vast beyond all measure...that He would send His only Son to pay my ransom.......Now if that doesn't awaken you to the passion of the Father I don't know what will.......oh how sweet He IS!

Please pray for Regan's breathing...she is very congested.

Growing up in God's presence.

I love Friday's for lots of reasons. The first is that I get to get Regan ready for school. Brian and Ryder and Rylee have "Donut day with Dad" on Fridays. So they go to the donut shop with all the old guys before school. Julie doesn't come since I don't have to take Ryder and Rylee to school. So, Regan and I get some extra time...I really enjoy it. Today we gave Moby a bath too! I also love laundry and I do laundry on Fridays. I feel like the air is full of hope on Fridays.

I also love them because it is when the weekend starts. On the weekends our family spends time together. I love it! Sometimes we doing stuff but almost always we are "doing" it together. God made us to live life together. I love that about Him. He did not create us to live on a island all alone but in community. Our first community is our family. Even Jesus had one. 1 Samuel 2 says that "Samuel grew up in the presence of the Lord." Even though he was away from his family he lived in the temple with Eli and his sons. I pray that our family say infants in our dependence on God but that our faith matures (grows up) in the presence of our awesome LORD. We are all growing up in God's presence together. I pray that is true for you too!

Regan is well...a little congested but well. She has a kidney appointment next Wednesday. So pray for that. Also, Brian is speaking at a Mid winter retreat this weekend for high schoolers. Please pray that they will have hears to hear and Brian brings a word from God. I get to go with him tonight. That will be fun...sorta like a date.

God's Word....

I just want to say something about God's Word....it is amazing to me. I do not know how to understand that something written so long ago and something that is so divine can be so simple to understand yet such a mystery. This paradox is huge to me. Today I am unable to grasp it. I Praise God for it. I know left up to human hands we would have totally messed it up. Yet he has entrusted it to those who wrote it and those of us who read it and want to understand it.

Regan is still wearing her brace with no trouble....Brian and I agree this can only but God. She and I are going to lunch today with a girlfriend. I thought since she is in such a great mood and laughing a lot we should take advantage of it and have lunch with friends. I took this picture a couple of days ago and it is not a great photo but so cute of her laughing....

Ryder and Rylee are had at their Math-a-thon for St Jude's. They love helping St Jude's and Rylee loves math so it works well. I am sure some of you will be getting calls for sponsorship. Brian speaks at a retreat this weekend so we are already missing him. I am practicing my Hebrew alphabet. Rylee said, "I looks like you are in kindergarten!" I said, "I am!" Julie is a Hebrew expert so she wrote a children's book about Hebrew she is going to loan me...and this is master's level work? Blessing to all of you.

Lord have mercy!

This morning I went to chapel at LCC. It was on how we are unholy but God is HOLY. So while we were worshiping together it occurred to me how much I try to do on my own. I am a "dooer" so I often fall into a pattern of trying to show God how much I love him by going and going. I do it as worship but sometimes I am distracted from my dependency on God because I am doing too much in my own strength. This morning and last night at bible study I was reminded that God wants my dependency in big and small things..with my sin and righteous acts....with small step or big ones. Regan is a great reminder of what that looks like and what a joy that kind of life that can be.
Regan has been laughing and smiling a lot for the last couple of days! It is such a blessing. Rylee is not feeling great but we are trying to put her in bed a little earlier to try to keep her rested. Ryder is great.

Cool pic of Rylee!

So it Rylee's turn! We had a great time. This is one of my favorites. What a pretty young lady.
Her smiles makes me smile. It was a little sunnier so they look different but still great. The kids got their report cards Friday. Ryder got all A's and Rylee did great too (she doesn't get letter grades yet!). We are proud of them.

Regan had a really tired day yesterday. She has been more awake today but We think she is having some seizure activity in her brain with not actually outside evidence. She is still a little out of it. he is wearing her brace for 8 hours with no marks....thanks for your prayers! Right now she is awake and looking at the computer while I type. We spent the afternoon watching the football game with Rob and Shannon Maupin while the kids played in the snow and leggo/dollhouse . It was fun...go Bears!

Cool pics of Ryder!

I took some pics of Ryder today. This picture is so him. There are lots of great ones but we thought this one was great. I just wanted to share a joy in my life......If you are interested in seeing them all send me an email and I put you on my Snapfish account!

Regan's Bath Seat

I thought I would put up this photo I took today of Regan's seat. She really liked it. Julie is sick so Regan stayed home with me. It was a great day for us. She did have four seizures in the last 24 hours. So please pray for this. But she is happy.....

Baby It's cold outside.....

Today is a cold Illinois day. I dislike them greatly! Regan did not sleep great last night but mostly we kept having to get up because her feeding tube kept getting clogged. It is compounded at the pharmacy. It costs $980 a month...you would think it would be ground fine enough but this month it was not. Right now Regan is sitting beside me singing her song.....Now, that warms a heart like the month of May!
Just some FYI stuff: Rylee has an orthodontist appointment today. The big kids and I have church. I got a great surprise in the mail yesterday from my friend Michelle from TX. A box full of the cutest brown and pink material to use for AWAKEN. We are going to use them to wrap around the cute journals that they are getting. All the girls will love them. It even matches from ribbon we already had. Thanks Michelle!
We have been putting Regan's brace on her for about four hours each night. She is seeming to tolerate that. So please pray she will continue to do that. We were also given a bath seat for Regan by her OT! It was one of her former patient's who just out grew it. Awesome..because they cost about $500. We are also looking into some small ramps for our doorways so not having to spend the money on the bath seat frees up some money for that! Will you praise God for his faithfulness.
Brian preached a great sermon yesterday in chapel. He reminded us the God is building the city but we are called to pitch a tent and build an altar. For me this blog serves as an altar. So add some comments to how you have seen God be faithful and let it serve to remind us all that GOD is at work. (If you want you should down load the sermon from the LCC website.)

Breath Check????

So for those of you who haven't heard my new year's resolution is to breathe more grace. I feel this will help me enjoy life more and extend the hand of fellowship in a renewed way. I am hard on people....I expect a lot from those around me and often I don't walk in grace or give it the way I should.
This morning I was thinking and reading and journaling some thoughts on paper. I realized as I was in a gripe session about myself that I maybe I need to breathe grace on myself too! You know when you check for bad breath and you breathe in your hand so you can smell it. I figure I need to check to see if I am breathing grace towards myself.
Man I am hard on myself. I feel unable, incapable, irresponsible, and stubborn. So, I really need the Ephesians's spirit today and everyday. The Holy Spirit empowers me to take away all the IN's and UN's of my life.
Ryder and Rylee are well and Regan is hanging in their you could pray for her back and her chest. They need it. She is curved and congested.

MLK. Day.....

We have spent the last two days in Nashville visiting the Terashita's clan. Strong coffee, strong love and strong opinions are always flowing. It is just my kinda place. Some of my favorite conversations have happened within this relationship. So, glad to have them. I will post some pics when I get back. We are leaving later today. We have had beautiful weather here. We sat out on the back deck both days with no jacket! Regan had a hard day last night and cried for several hours. I awoke this morning and decided that it was time to get up when I had a dream that Brittney Spears and Lindsay Lohan had become Christians and they are asking if they could do workshops at AWAKEN. I was actually having a conversation with Brittany about it in my kitchen. Scarry! Then I cam upstairs to a cup of coffee and great breakfast....in other words hope of a new day. I love MLK jr. I am so happy that my kids are learning about him. I am so glad we have a holiday to remember him. What a passionate man. I love a dreamer.

Communion with God

Last night Brian and I got in bed at 9:30p. We were so happy to be laying flat in our bed. He fell asleep fast. He had a long hard day so he was tired. I laid there listening to Regan breathe. Those of you who have children or you yourself suffer from breathing troubles you will understand. But for those of you who don't here is an explanation of what you have to do. People who think medicine is a science are crazy... it is an art. You have to rely on all of your senses to know where you are. Sometimes clinical diagnosis are more effective than simply test (for those of you who watch the TV show HOUSE you will know this well). We learned this from Diane (our neurologist assistant she is a pro at at stuff like this) she worked in ER for years before moving to neurology she taught us that we have to feel Regan's chest, look at Regan's eyes and the coloring of her skin. We should also look at her chest and listen closely to what the breathing sounds like. Even the Ryder and Rylee have picked up on some of it. When Regan coughs they will say "Good cough!" We have an machine that helps us know what the level of oxygen in her blood stream is. So, yesterday and last night she was doing poorly. All your senses told me this was not headed in a good direction. At midnight I got up after laying listening to her sleep and breathe but knowing I couldn't have a treatment until midnight. I put her on the oximider and it said 90%. So, I decided to let it go since she was resting and if in the morning it was not better put her on oxygen. I went to bed and meditated on the fact that God is in communion with God. He never leaves her, falls asleep, makes the wrong call, ignores, and knows the ins and outs of breathing perfectly (since it is his breathe anyway). When I woke up this morning I put the oximider on her and she was stating at 99%! Excellent care by the Great Physician. Tonight she is fussy again and He knows why even though we don't. Amen!

Isn't it great being a girl!

Today I just can't get out of my head how great it is to be a girl. I know we complain a lot about how hard it is (having periods, PMS and babies) but really I'd much rather be a girl.

• I love it that we can be mushy and everyone says "It's a girl thing"~ Yea it is a girl thing and it is great! Even the men in my life are mushy with me. Girls do that to boys you know! Brian is mushy, Ryder is mushy, My daddy is mushy, Gary Terashita is mushy...even Moby my dog is mushy. Today all of them gave me encourgement through telling me they love me..their girl..in their own special way! I just don't think guys do that with each other.
  
• I am planning a retreat for high school girls at the beginning of February. The planning team is made of all GIRLS! We love it. Our theme for this year is "AWAKEN the Passion." Our color palate is brown and pink. I have been emailing and phoning with this team all day. They love to use there gifts to honor Christ. They love being girls who are gitty over pink and brown lunch bags! I just don't think guys care what kind of bags their lunch comes in. But these high school girls will notice and they will love it!
  
• I love my "chickas" (other wise known as girlfriends!) They ask how are you and mean it. They give me pats or emails or phone calls just to say .....glad your my friend. I just don't think guys do that on a regular basis. Someone has to die in order to get them in touch with their feelings.
• I love my two girls. Rylee lied this morning. I busted her playing dolls in her room when she was suppose to be dressing for school. I asked her why she wasn't dressed and she said it was because she was "going number II." Okay I am not blind or stupid so unless she is a dog she is not "going number II" in her bedroom floor surrounded by her baby dolls. So, she finished getting ready and we cried together and she asked for forgiveness. I forgave her...then we hugged and cried together and all was well. I just don't think guys do that!
  

Okay I will declare it from this blog "GOD LOVES GIRLS!" All the kids are great. Brian is in meetings all day. (Yes Kim I know I am rambling on so I will stop!)

Just a normal Monday!

I spent the day trying to get my photos down loaded onto Snapfish. Looking at all the pics makes me glad that I have such a great family. Regan had a seizure today but over all had a good day. She was "deliriously" happy at school according to Julie. Right now she is watching Rylee do cheers to memorize her spelling words. Give me a S-I-G-N! Don't forget the "W-R-I-T-E" Go Team! She is something! Regan simply thinks she is great!

Ryder is at drama practice. He is Aslan in the January production for the Living Stones. Brian has a lot of meetings this week. Regan and I went grocery shopping today. We spread a little love all over Lincoln. It's tricky shopping with her. I will be glad when Mellisa (my afternoon helper) is back. But it is fun to take her out. Regan is a constant reminder of contentment.

This past week I have been thinking a lot about how important it is to know the full character of God. We can't know exactly what Jesus would do in every situation but we can know his heart for us and those around us. I am comforted by knowing that He knows me too! He is not hung up on each little mistake I make or each little success I have. I knows ME! He sees my heart. He knows you too! The heart is the heart of the matter.

There is just nothing like a sleeping baby!

Thanks to all of you who have been praying. Regan did sleep last night and I know the rest is God's gift and your prayers have given all of us strength to arrive at this moment with hope.

I inserted a picture of Regan with her Grandma Vera resting....appropriate for today.
Regan did go to school yesterday. She had a great time playing with her friends. Her Occupational Therapist hooked up the "Polly Pocket" mermaid set to her switch and she entertained all her classmates. Each time she hit the switch with her elbow the mermaid few up. All of Regan's classmates where cheering her on to "hit it again Regan hit it again."
They missed her and they were all glad she was back!
We are concluding from this that it is probably a kidney stone that has been causing the pain. Now we are watching for one to appear sometime today or tomorrow. Diane' our neurologist assistant called last night to find out how Regan was doing. God's comfort is felt through this medical professional (one among several) to travel this journey with us.

Rylee spent the night with a friend so Ryder and Brian watched the latest X men movie. I worked on Kim Terashita's birthday gift. We are planning to go to Nashville next weekend since the kids are out of school. So, I want to take it with me. Right now Ryder is watching the history channel with Regan while I type this. He keeps saying "now that is the problem with scientist." Funny boy! Brian is finishing teaching his last day of his class (which has gone great!) Rylee is still gone to her friends house. We plan to attend the LCC basketball games today and have dinner with our friends the Maupin's.

It's foggy out there.

It is a foggy day here in Lincoln. That is what my brain feels like....like I am in a fog. I thought I would give an update from yesterday. I am never sure who checks in with us but just wanted I thought an update would be good. So, I was on the phone most of the morning yesterday trying to figure out what to do. She stopped crying about 11am or and that hung on until about 10:30p-2:30a she cried. It drains every bit of energy from me to hear her cry and to be able to do nothing about it. Since my brain is not working well this morning. Thankful Julie is here to help. Regan is in a good mood/not crying this morning. She is bathing her and giving her a breathing treatment. We will see where that leaves her. We are just going moment to moment. I guess you could say we are traveling slow down the road today...the fog makes it hard to see in the distance but sometimes just seeing what is right ahead of you will do.

Some things I am praising the Almighty for:

1. Julie's ministry to Regan and myself.
2. My friends who help with Ryder and Rylee when Regan is not doing well. They always do whatever and usually say "could I also do this?" I love them.
3. Brian, in an act of desperation, emailed and phoned messaged three of the top mitocondrial doctors in the nation yesterday. One called back last night at 7:30p. He spoke with Brian on the phone for about 20 min. WOW! And it happens to be the guy Brian respects most. They talked about Regan and different issues we are faced with and what his advise would be. He knows Mito disease and he is the best patient care/mito doctor we have heard of.
4. Thankful for Ryder and Rylee. Ryder said yesterday, "Mom I have to tell you that I did worry yesterday at school but I tried not to worry too much." I should try that sometime...not worrying too much. It sounds like something Jesus might say.
5. I'm thankful for this picture of Regan because it is a source of light for me today. I hope it is a source for you to. This was taken on Dec. 26th driving down the road on a clear sunny day. What a smile!
   
6. I am thankful for Brian who can't make Regan better but keeps me from going of th deep end.
   
7. I am thankful for Jesus who renews me even when I don't feel renewed.
   

Hard day today

This is an old picture of the girls but I love it because Regan's hair is "don kingish." Regan is having a difficult day today. She is crying and we don't know why. Rylee said this morning "I know she is trying to tell us what is wrong." This is nerve racking for the other kids to go to sleep and wake up with her crying. She did sleep some last night but it is wearing on our hearts to hear her cry. I am comforted this morning only the God's promise that when we sow with tears we reap with gladness. Only in God's economy can that be true. I am sure Regan has storehouses filled to the brim with gladness at this point.

Part of the issue here is that we don't know what it is. Sometimes when we take her in they find something but sometimes they don't. Usually when they find something Brian and I already knew that what they would find...ear ache, kidney stones, dislocated hip etc.... I am giving her Tylenol with Codeine and that seems to help some. I have calls into three doctors and am waiting now to hear back from them. Julie is setting with Regan. God's bless Julie....I don't know what I would do without her.

• Please pray for God's wisdom to be increased in Brian and I and all the doctors as we try to figure Regan out.
  
• Brian is teaching all morning this morning and Ryder and Rylee are at school would you pray for them to give the burden of this to God and be present where God has them this morning.
• Please pray for all of us to be comforted through many tears and heavy hearts.
• Please pray for God to heal Regan from this pain.

Today I proclaim COME LORD JESUS COME!

Happy New Year!

We are finally home....it is true there is no place like it! We drove back from KC on Sunday and celebrated in the New Year at home with our sweet family. We made homemade BBQ chicken pizza and Rylee made her famous brownies. It was a great night . We played lots of games and watched Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year!

Brian and I also celebrated our 12th anniversary on the 30th. Grandma Vera and Papa Ray watched the kids and Brian and I went out for coffee and dinner. It reminded us how important small times away with no kids makes a big difference. We were like newlyweds. We continue to feel blessed by our marriage. We love each other more deeply and sincerely than ever. We feel God has set this up for us as a true gift of grace!

Last night we had our friends the Maupin's over for nachos and football. It was great fun and they didn't go home until after midnight thanks to OU's overtime. Shannon and I enjoyed visiting while the men watched the game. The kids played and it was a great time. We are thankful that God has brought them to Lincoln and to the LCC family.

The kids start back to school tomorrow. Brian started back today (he is teaching a intesive week class this week). I don't start back for a couple weeks. We aren't ready for real like to start back. We like being together too much! Regan is having some back pain. Will you pray for her to be free from that. We will be making some decisions early this year regarding what to do with her spine. The brace is not helping and she has increased her curve by 12% in only 8 weeks. This is very disheartening. Her ear is healing well, thanks to all of you who have been praying for that.

We learned a few years ago to not try too hard to figure out what the future hold. God's desire for the Mill's family seems to be "hold on and remain faithful." We know that this year will have lots of common everyday days and many surprises but God is in all of it.