Patience

Our family has a tradition of reading a Proverb every weekday morning. We have done this since Ryder was in Kindergarten in various forms and to various levels of success. This year we all meet at the table at 7am to read it together and so Dad can pray with us before we get going our separate ways for the day. I love Proverbs for many reasons but one of them is that they are so simple because they are written for youth. He says in Proverbs 1:1-4 "The proverbs of Solomon, son of David, king of Israel; for attaining wisdom and discipline; for understanding worlds of insight; for acquiring a discipline and a prudent life, for what is right and just and fair, for giving prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the young-" So for that I think all children should have the Proverbs read to them. It was one book of the Bible written directly for them. It also gives them a place to understand Biblical worldview because the Proverbs give metaphors, riddles, and parables to teach God's truth. This teaches them to look for God's wisdom in all things. There are things that are true about the world because God says so....like lying is bad, helping the poor puts us on God's side, laziness in not godly, we are responsible for our actions, arguing is uncalled for...it just gives us practical ways to live like God wants us to. I love them because they are easily applied to our everyday life. (I secretly want to write a family devotional guide from them someday....shhhhh don't tell!)
Our Proverb for today was... Proverbs 19:11 A man's wisdom gives him patience, it is to his glory to overlook an offense. It really has spoken to me today because it reminded me we have patience when we are wise. A small child has no patience because they have no wisdom. They don't understand that they have to wait for anything because everything should happen now. Yet we see with God he is so patient. He has a long long term vision. He looks past actions to the heart of the situation. He is understand that we learn a lot along the way. He is after all the holder of wisdom and understanding. It reminds me of the Israelites and how God saved them from the hand Pharaoh. Remember all God did to free them. He called Moses, 10 plagues, splitting the Red Sea and they crossed on dry ground...then he leads them by fire and by a cloud. and yet they were rebellious and impatient. Dt 1:32-33 "In spite of all of this you did not trust in the Lord your God who went ahead of you on your journey in fire by night and in cloud by day to search out places for you to camp and show you the way you should go."
They had short term vision
All they could see is the present situation
They didn't not see the point of the current struggle they were in.
They thought they knew everything.
I can't keep from thinking....A man's wisdom gives him patience."

It also reminds me of ME! I am not always patient. I lose wisdom when I lose my patience.
I forget all HE has done.
I take the trust that belongs to him and place it on other people
I take to much stock in what I can do on my own.
I think that I know too much.....thank God he is patient with me!

I am probably more patient than I used to be but less than I should be. So I guess need to wise up and admit I too am a child and need to apply another Proverb (1:5) "let the wise listen and add to their learning." Just like it is wide for a child to listen to their father/mother because they know something more than you know. They see more than you see as a child....make me like this Lord...make me like this!

Exceptional Child

For several years now we have been asked to bring Regan as a guest speaker to the "Exceptional Child" class at LCC. This is a class for students who God is preparing and calling to be professional teachers, counselors or children's ministers (even though all these careers are ministry!) So this past week we visited theses classes to share Regan's journey as an exceptional child with them. This photo was taken of the Tuesday night class. Just looking at them makes me smile! They are all exceptional women (a couple of them are even in my Spiritual Formation Group!) God will and is doing great things through their gifts!

I don't know where this quote comes from but it is one of my favorites "Preach the gospel always...when necessary use words." For a person with a lot of words you can imagine that this is instructional for me. Regan's story is one of the greatest sermon's every preached yet she has never used words. Every time I get a chance to interpret her story for her I am reminded of all the ways God can use her story to help others, encourage others and strengthen others for their own journey. Regan journey has truly been exceptional. I looked up the word ex·cep·tion·al to see what it can mean.

1: forming an exceptional :rare exceptional number of rainy days>
2: better than average : superior <exceptional skill>
3: deviating from the norm: as a: having above or below average intelligence
4: physically disabled

Yet part of her story is the view from Ryder and Rylee's exceptional shoes. Their journey is different or exceptional (definition 1 & 4) because their sister is exceptional (definition 4). We are all trying to testify to the exceptional (definition 2) power of our mighty God in our lives!

As I ramble on about my own I know you feel the same about yours. Because the truth is what makes our stories as believers exceptional is that GOD is at work here.
HE IS EXCEPTIONAL.
We are blessed by all the ways he creates normal days, average people, normal situations, everyday lives, average towns, average marriages, normal families, ...don't we all just feel average. Yet when HE steps in HE makes the story EXCEPTIONAL! He gives us a story to tell that is far from the norm.

Some Late Night Ramblings

Okay so I can't sleep......I always remember when I can't sleep that Ps 127 says that "He grants sleep to those he loves"....so I guess I am off the list for tonight....actually that is crazy because some of the most god fearing people I know don't sleep (Kim, Shannon, Vera, Julie)....I'm not awake enough to figure out what the word sleep might mean........so instead I want to write about something that has been on my mind today...There are some sounds I really love....

• I love the sound of college kids worshiping.
• I love the sound of Rylee's laugh....it makes me want to laugh. Sh laughs at lots of things.
  
• I love the sound of the dishwasher running. I always start it at night right before I hop in bed so I think I associate it with my bed which is one of my favorite earthly possessions.
• I love the sound of the coffee maker beeping....this beep is one of many beeps in my life but one of the only ones that makes me happy. The other ones that make me grumpy are my alarm, Regan's feeding pump, her oximeter, the smoke detector.....these are beeps that mean unhappy things...but coffee being done now that is good!
• I love my friend Shannon's voice mail...it is her kids singing "This is Shannon's phone..."
• I love the sound of my mom's laugh and my dad when he answers his phone because he says "Yea.." It is so my dad...like I am there in the room..not like I've called on the phone. I like it because I wish I was right there in the room.
  
• I love Regan noises. She makes the sweetest sucking noises and her songs are the best.
  
• I love the rustling sound of people turning in their Bibles.
• I love the sound of conversation around a dinner table.
• I love the roar of kids after school.
  
• I love the sound that a great knife makes when they cuts food (thanks Gary).
• I love the sound of Brian's voice when he is falling asleep and he says "I love you baby."
• I love it when Ryder says "I love you mom."
  
• I love the scream of girlfriend or sister you haven't seen a while...that raw reaction that my favorite women have when they see someone they haven't seen in a while.
• I love the sound of someone saying, "Chantell, what do you think?"
• I love the chatter of women all gathered together in a room.
  
• I love the sound of my fingers tapping on this keyboard...knowing it communicates so many different things...the rhythm....the pauses.....
  

Meanwhile the house is silent...the family is sleeping....The dishwasher is done, Regan's oximeter went off because she needed a new tank of oxygen. I reset her tank so she is good for the night.....all is at peace....well at least he granted sleep to the ones I love.

Update on Tuesday

OH the face of this sweet baby....we had a big day yesterday. So I thought I should update everyone and this is my favorite photo of her so I had to put it in.

We saw her Nutritionist, Cybil, Regan has gained 1 lb and 3 oz in the past three weeks. That is really great...we are going to continue with the changes we have made to try to get her weight up. So that was good news. We want to continue on this track...Cybil does a great job figuring out all the details.

We also saw her pulmanologist Dr Johnson. She passed her over night test that they ran a few weeks ago that show that she does not have any significant sleep apnea. He thinks she is doing better than they expected. We will continue doing what we are doing. He is a very nice man.

We also saw Dr Karkos who is a special needs specialist. She went on and on about how much better Regan looked than the last time she saw her in April....that is good! She made several suggestions that will all be helpful for the everyday care of Regan. She is such a blessing.

This appointment took a long time but we are always glad to get a lot done at one visit.
Please continue to pray for her strength. She is awake more than she was....we have reduced her keppra to a lower dose and that seems to have helped. Her seizures are up and down but are more severe than they have been in a few minutes. This was going on before the reduction of the keppra so we don't think they are related.
School as started we are so glad...Ryder and Rylee are loving life...such a blessing. Ryder loves Junior High...it seems he like all the responsibility.
He has some new extra curricular activities that he is enjoying. This was their first day of school picture. (We have entered the don't make me smile in every picture phase.)
Rylee loves her teacher and is excited about seeing her friends. She loves Math and is considering playing Volley Ball this fall. We will keep you updated on that!
Brian is getting in the groove at work. Learning so much and reaching to be all God wants him to be. Thank you all for your prayers and support.
We feel strengthened for the journey.

Bloomin' Hope

For all of you who faithful read the blog you will remember that a rabbit ate my Black-eyed-Susan's.......still pains me to remember. I wanted to you see what started blooming there this week.
Those flowers are coming back....I thought they were a lose for this season but with time they have re-bloomed....THEY ARE RENEWED! So it has had my brain spinnin' about renewal of hope. To be renewed...."to make like new : restore to freshness, vigor, or perfection renew our strength in sleep" (this is according to Merriam Webster anyway)......oh how I long to be restored to freshness....to be made like new....it is on my mind because sometimes I need my hope renewed. I need my hope to be make like new in vigor. This some days my cynical heart gets the best of me, some days my tired flesh wins out, some days my mind just spins in unbelief. On those days days I need a renewal of hope! A few mornings ago God reminded me of Romans 15:13 "May the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit."

He filled me with hope by blooming those flowers for me. He reminded me that I had given up on them but wasn't done...he had more in store to teach me with those silly little things. These verse reminds us that when we are filled with the God of HOPE then we overflow with hope.....I want to overflow with hope.....not with other things I sometimes overflow with. I know this is a matter of heart...some days I just don't let myself trust in Him...I make the decision I can handle life on my own. That I already know how life works, how people work, how I work. I sorta say inwardly ...."see that is the way it goes.." as if I know better than HE. Sometimes I just forget that hope is from God when we trust in Him.....God's action is the HOPE my action is the trust.

Regan brought me a flower home for Mother's day...it was just a little green steam sticking through dirt in a Styrofoam cup. Julie and I cried the day she brought it home because we weren't sure if Regan would be with us on Mother's Day. I put that little stick in the ground to see what it would do. Honestly I didn't think it would do much....but guess what...

It it the biggest and brightest plant in my yard.....I'd say it is overflowing with HOPE!
I pray today you will renew your trust today then I know He will fill you with renewed Hope...and I know you will overflow with Hope for all the world to see....and maybe even be surprised by!

8 Random Facts

I've been tagged by my friend Mandy to list 8 random/weird facts about myself on my blog...so here they are. (You can read Mandy's facts on her blog...I love the baby food one..that always makes me smile.)
1. I love reality TV (yes I know it is not real....)
2. I've been arrested twice.
3. I love to do laundry....I think this has to do with my childhood but doing laundry makes me feel responsible, motherly, and productive.
4.I worked in radio for almost three years while in high school. Getting paid to talk....a great job for me!
5. I was in in the "Miss Clinton" pageant when I was 18. it still cracks me up! I rocked in interview...but even then my thighs looked way to big in a swim suit!
6. I think fruit snacks smell like chap stick so sometimes I want to eat them because I ate chap stick as a child then other times they make me feel like I could throw up!
7. I love paradoxes.
8. I really love college students......really I do.....I DO!

I tag my mom, my mother in law Vera and my friend Parian....( you can just add it to to published comment since you don't have a blog....this will be fun....I wonder how long it will take?)

I am sorry for all of you who came to the blog today expecting something spiritual I hope you don't think less of me! I guess since it is all truth it is at least godly.

A Psalm from Ryder

Hi....this is Ryder. Last night I had a hard time falling asleep so I decided to write a psalm. So my mom thought you all would enjoy reading it. Here it is...

"In whom shall I put my Trust when Fear stalks me like a predator ready to strike and Anger lurks in the shadows, preparing to burst forth? In whom shall I put my Trust when Faith in things of the human world has failed and Happiness is but a memory? Whom shall call to me and rescue me from the Shadow Lands? Whom shall awaken me? The LORD."

"Whom shall cheer me when sorrow creeps in like fog and envelops me? Whom shall reassure me when uncertainty clouds my mind? The LORD."

"Whom shall pick me up when I have fallen? Who is my rock on which I stand? The LORD"

All In A Day's Work

We have always known that when God knew what Regan's journey on this planet would look like he knew Rylee and Ryder were up to the task. As they grow up we continue to have that truth confirmed. They know they love her but they don't see how amazing suited their gifting is for this particular task.

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10

Saturday night Ryder and Rylee were watching a movie with Regan while Brian and I hung out with some friends on the back deck. I came in every few minutes to check on Regan but Rylee knew she was to "babysit" her even though I could seem them both through the back sliding glass door. About 10:30p Rylee said "Ryder get mom and dad Regan is choking"......I was already up before she finished the sentence with Brian right behind me. As we came in the room we could see Regan's face was completely blue and she was struggling with no avail to get air into her lungs. Brian and I began suction and put her on oxygen. Within 10 minute we were giving her a breathing treatment. Ryder was helping his dad get everything all hooked up. Ruthie our friend helped by holding Regan's head back for a clear airway while I suctioned.....we all worked as a team. With God's indwelling power we saved Regan's life.

This week has been hard because she has been on round the clock breathing treatments and she is back on oxygen. When I took her in on Tuesday for her appointment according to the Diane our nurse "she sounds clear". That is amazing considering that at one point there was no air in her left lung.

If Rylee had not responded as quickly as she did we would have had a very different looking week. Each time I want to complain about being tired I am I just remember that I am so glad that Regan is here with me and that I have her here to give a breathing treatment to. This is better than the alternative. We will keep you updated as things change but she is doing better each day.

As Brian was tucking her into bed on Saturday night he was telling her how proud he was of her for really paying attention and for being a quick thinker. She said, "Ha, I saved Regan's life and even the doctors couldn't do that!" He told her that he felt bad because he and mama weren't right there with Regan. Rylee said, "Why did you and Mama need to be right there...Regan was with me...she didn't want to be with the adults she wants to be with me. We were playing footsie, nose kisses, and snuggling...I even moved Regan's chair so she could see the movie better." Rylee is right....Regan is right where she needs to be....right here with us... with a big sister named Rylee who just considers saving her sisters life no big deal because it is all in a day's work.

Our lil' Regs

Regan is here with her good friend Kate all "cuted" up for the Logan County Fair. We went on Friday morning to see the stinky animals and mostly eat some fair food for lunch. They are so cute in their shades. Regan and Brian didn't make it long because there was so much mud and poop everywhere that it was difficult to get Regan around. Oh well we tried

After the Fair Brian took Regan to get a blood draw...her first since April. We are trying to get this draw done before we go in for her doctor visit to see Diane, Regan's neurologist assistant. Diane knows Regan better than any other medical professional so it will be good to go see her.
She is going to help us figure out what our next move should be.

We also visited with Dr McKenna a few days ago. Regan had an ultrasound and we found out she has three kidney stones..up from two in January. That was very disheartening. We will go back to see him now every three months.

While visiting with Dr McKenna I took Regan to get weighed...she is down to 30 pounds...this is not good. We will go later this month to visit with the dietitian about what we need to do to get 10 lbs on her.

We are also going to see Dr Johnson our pulmanologist. They are going to do an night time oximeter study to get a more through read of her breathing. We hope this will give us explanation of why she is sleeping so much.

We have also decided to keep Regan home from school this year. She is sleeping so much that there is no point in making her go.

sooooo all in all this has been a crazy week couple of weeks for Regan. It is disheartening to go to appointments that only reveal bad things...it has been nice to be away from that for a while. But it is time to back to some doctor appointments for her. I know many of you pray for her everyday....so I wanted to give you some things to pray specifically for.

Hosea 6:1-3 1 "Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. 2 After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence. 3 Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth."

(This is Regan watching a movie with her cousin Ashlyn at Grandma's house..oh and her Webkin too! This was taken in July 07)

My litttle man is 11.

Since Ryder is turning 11 on Tuesday I want to share 11 things that I love about my little man! This is also sorta photo summer in review for Him too!

1....His heart for those younger than him is awesome to watch. He is very popular among the 3-5 year old's at our church and he works as a helper in their classroom. Here he is with is cousin but he always great to kneel down and play.....Jesus was like that...I'm glad Ryder is too!2....He loves to be with his Dad. He is growing up..going into Junior High which is crazy but true. It is fun to watch these two develop into great pals. Ryder's always been close to me but the older he gets the more he wants to talk to Dad about it or be with Dad. I so proud of that. A boy should want to be with is Father...Jesus did...I am glad Ryder does too!

3...Ryder is a born leader. People want to be with him. Here he is leading Rylee on a horse this was on there trip to Nana and Papa's house. He is usually pretty good with being responsible with his leadership. He is always watching for the one that is on the edge and giving them a place to belong. We need more good solid Christian men who aren't afraid to lead. Jesus was always reaching out to those on the fringe..I am so glad Ryder is like that too!
4...Ryder understand that often times life is hard. He has a grown soul. I love this picture because you can see the depth of his heart in his eyes (Grandad Norman is with him in the pic). Even when he was little he was always mature. It was like he was born with an old man's soul. He gets the real point of life and and weed out trial things from important things. Jesus was always showing people that something were more important than others....I am glad Ryder is like that too!

5...Ryder is so compassionate. Here Ryder is swinging Regan at the park. He is always making sure Regs is okay....we all know this is a gift from God so nuf said on that!

6...Ryder is a reader. He loves a great story. He loves to read just about anything he can get his eyes on. Here he and Andy are reading Harry Potter while all of Andy's wedding guests are waiting inside for his arrival. I love that Jesus uses stories to teach Ryder so many things about himself.
7...He knows the value of a good friend. Our friends from Dallas, the Werch's came to visit and he was so excited to seem them. No matter how many miles and our how much time comes in between a friendship he seems to know that they are valuable. Jesus loved his friends too...I am so glad Ryder is like that.


8...He is crazy. His personality is so funny! He is always making a funny comment or striking a crazy pose. He makes me laugh. Jesus uses Ryder all the time to draw a smile. Here he is with Nana and Rylee being silly after a long day in the sun.

9.... Ryder still loves legos....I don't know but I think there might be legos in heaven...hours of creative fun!10...Ryder is a great student. Here he is with his favorite teacher from 5th grade. Ryder loves to learn...he loves history. I am glad that he loves to learn. To be a disciple of Jesus is to be a learner of Jesus. No true disciple can check their brain at the door.

11...Mostly I am just glad I get to call him son. This picture was taken this summer at a Peria Chief's game. My birthday prayer for him is that he know Jesus and be known in him.

Happy Birthday Boy! We love you so much.

"Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate." Ps 127.4-5

Immeasurably More

Over the last couple of weeks I have been thinking about eph. 3:20-21

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever Amen!"

When Brian and I were getting married we would pray this scripture a lot. I remember feeling how I felt God's "Immeasurable" power at work in our lives. Brian and I felt our love was beyond what we could have prayed and asked God for. It was so surprising.

This immeasurable that Paul is writing about in this part of the letter refers back to the first part of the letter in 1:19-21 where he writes:

"and his incomparable great power for us who believe, that power is like the working of his mighty strength, which is exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come."


The early church surly thought that the resurrection was beyond what they could have prayed for in a Messiah. That Christ could raise from the dead had to have be mind blowing. God was up to something in the heavenly and earthly realm....in all power through all time. All of this was evidenced in CHRIST. It was so surprising.

Yet this immeasurable more is not limited to the resurrection because it is through all time.....so he is currently showing his immeasurable greatness. He is letting his glory shine through the church in all generations...so that means in us too. He is still working...sometimes that is so surprising.

Sometimes I forget that God is suppose to be immeasurably more.... I am a person who likes to figure things out. How to fix the mower, how to make a blog, how to manage Regan's health, how to make Pesto myself, how to study the Bible.....I want to know! Sometimes I can trick myself into thinking I can know God. If I just read enough of the right thing for the right amount of time I will know Him. Yet he is IMMEASURABLY MORE!

I am currently looking for ways that God can show me immeasurably more of himself. I want to trust that Paul is right...HE IS ABLE. Sadly sometimes that reality surprises me!
So I'll make Paul's prayer my own.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurable more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever Amen!"

Our little Cherrio.

Regan has had spin trouble for several years. She wears a brace to try and stop it. There is really no other alternative to the brace except extreme surgery that is just not a good option for her because of all of her other health problems. So we have watched her slowly curl up so we lovingly refer to her as our little Cherrio. She recently developed a sore on her back because of her brace and so she is unable to wear it until it is better. It seems to be worse than at any other time. Could you please pray for her. It does not cause her pain but as the curve continue to get worse it can cause other health problems.

Thanks for all your support.

The Blog

This blog is sometimes a mystery to me. Recently I have been blessed with the opportunity to meet people who faithful read this blog...most of whom I have never met.

Last week we were visiting Brian's family in Kansas City. They attend a very large church (several thousand members) and after church was over a lady tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Chantell, I'm so happy to met you, I'm Patti." Tears began to roll down her checks as she told me about how she reads the blog each week and how she has been praying for our family. I tried to introduce her to Ryder but she said, "Oh, I already know all your family .I know who Ryder is an what he looks like." We chatted for a few minutes. I cried as she shared about how she has been affected by reading this blog. Patti is in the "Life" group with my Sister and Brother-in-law....and a part of God's family..so it makes her my sister in grace.

I also spoke with a lady on the phone last week that I have met a couple of times. She thanked me for the blog. She is a good friend of my mother-in-law, Vera. They both lost their best friend Barb to cancer that week. Barb has been a faithful reader of the blog and even referenced it in her blog. More than anything Barb was a prayer warrior for Regan. Though I don't know Gail or Barb extremely well I feel close to them because I know they are praying and reading. We are bonded together...we are sister's in grace.

Regan received bows in the mail a couple of months ago from a woman who reads the blog. She is the friend of a wife of a guy I grew up with. She reads and prays for us. I've never met her but she made Regan two hair bows and wrote a wonderful card to let us know how our journey is affecting her journey. We will probably never met until heaven...but I look forward to it...we too are sister's in grace.

A month ago Brian's step mom Janice has a family reunion in Indy. Brian, Ryder, Regan and I went (Rylee was at camp). It has been five years since we have seen this part of the extended family (three generations). One of the cousin's who is five and lives in CA saw Regan as we walked in and she exclaimed "I know her, that's Regan, I pray for her." We are family but we she and Regan are sister's of grace too!

Last week I was talking to a long time family friend of Brian's family her name is Sue. She just lost her husband to Parkinson's. She has with a woman I have never met...I heard her say, "So, this is the little girl I've been praying for."

Most of the time when I set down to write I think...will anyone check it...does what I have to say make sense....is everyone tired of my ramblings...but something in me (I think it is the Holy Spirit) moves me to think about something which leads me to write about something. I feel strengthened to move through difficult moments knowing that people are with us...people we don't even know and people we know very well....people from Lincoln, Texas, South Korea, Colorado, Mexico, Oklahoma, Ukraine, Kansas, Indiana, Tennessee, Egypt........
Some how knowing that God is using this for something more than just our own family gives me peace. Sometimes I wonder why Regan didn't die on that Monday...maybe it was for this to happen. For a Sister-in-law to tell a friend and in that share a miracle and watch God's grace in action. Maybe it was for a little girl in CA to learn to pray. Maybe it was for a woman dying of cancer to pray and remember someone else's need. Maybe it was for me to regain my faith in the body of Christ. So, thanks for reading, responding and most of all "bearing-up" our burden with us.

. . . o o o . . .

All this Live Earth stuff has me thinking....where is the Christian voice? Where to WE stand in all of this. I consider myself a moderate environmentalist. Since High school I have been aware of the waste I create. As a mother I feel a great responsibility to be an example and teach my children to be a great citizen of the world. The greatest way we do this is to share Jesus...but we can do more. I have always tried not to shelter them from the pain of the world. We must be aware of issues around the world, across the street and in my opinion all Christian's should be GREEN.
I wanted to share a few things I do. I have along way to go but I believe in small steps and doing what I can.

• Recycling is an easy way to start. This costs no money but helps greatly.
  
• Since putting in my cloths line 4 weeks ago I have only ran 2 loads in the dryer. This is better for my cloths and the environment. Also having us re-wear things that are not really dirty (jeans, shirts, pj's...but never underwear!) This also helps because your cloths don't wear out as fast.
  
• Buying food at farmers markets, or growing your own food cuts down on packaging, emissions from trucks hauling..plus it is better for you.
  
• I use refillable water bottles as much as I can. Especially in my kids lunch. Also trying to use reusable plastic instead of baggies for everything in their lunches is good too!
• Insurance pays for Regan to have one feeding bag each day but we have started using them for three. This just cuts down a little but it is something. (It offsets all those diapers she is creating. And I do have friends that use cloth but I not quite ready for make that leap!)
• Also trying not to use paper products. If I have a party at my house I try not to use paper products. How hard is it to just put it in the dishwasher (which is energy efficient). Plus it saves money.

If you have any tips of things that you do I would love you to post them on the blog for our 615 readers to read. I do not need this to sound wacky but would love to hear your ideas.

Open Wounds

I hate for my knees to show. I only own two pairs of shorts that I rarely ware in public. Last summer I wore one pair to Wal-mart and Ryder said, "Mom you know you have your shorts on don't you." One of the main reasons I don't like my knees to show is because I have a scar on my knee. I tripped and landed on a glass soda bottle and sliced it right open. My mom only put a butterfly band-aid on it but it probably needed stitches....(after years of therapy on this I am no longer bitter at my mom! :) So, for better or for worse I have a reminder of a childhood wound.

Ryder has a scar in his eye brow from hitting his head on a coffee table at his Uncle Paul's house. He had 12 stitches with no anesthetic. His scar is smaller but a much better story because of how brave his was. Recently that scar brought comfort to one of Ryder's friends who had to get stitches and was a little nervous about the scarring. When I see Ryder's little scar I remember how brave he was and how God was with Ryder and helped him endure without anesthetic and it brings me hope that God is with me when I have no pain relief.

Brennan my nephew has a scar that wraps around his back from a surgery he had when he was just a couple months old. The scar represents more than just a surgery but the tender care of doctors who recognized a problem. His parents have lovingly endured a very difficult journey with him. When I see Brennan's scar I am comforted because I know GOD was the protector of Brennan's life and that God is my protector too~!

Regan has many scars...all of them represent a small leg of her journey. When I see them I remember that there was a health issue that brought us to the surgery and in each of Regan's surgeries it eventually brought some relief. Each time she has been better off than before she went in because the surgery helped...the scar is worth it!

We all have wounds...as I have said many times...pain is the great equalizer. Jesus himself had scars to prove He was who He said He was...it was as if he was saying..."See these scars..remember the cross...but I am here..I conquered that...I have the scars to prove it." It seems this wound...which became a scar brought the ultimate healing.

My man Henri says this "Open wounds stink and do not heal." (Nouwen "The Wounded Healer") We all know what these open wounds look like..we have been around people who "stink" because they have left thier wounds take over their life...they are rotten. Some say "time heals" I say.."Time just makes you bitter...only Jesus heals." We all have wounds....it would be impossible to go through life without it...I think what is most important is that we not be afraid to let the wounds heal...then not be afraid to bear our scars to one another....An open wound don't help anyone much but a scar can provide courage, can be a reminder of God's care or maybe help us remember the wound was worth it.

Texas Week

This past week was so great for our family. This year we did not go to Dallas to visit our friends because Regan is not stable enough to travel that far. BUT they came to us! On Monday Rondal and Darrin Smith from Dallas came over for morning coffee/tea. Darrin's son Ethan even got to come for a little while and enjoyed playing Wii with the kids. Rondal has been the president of PBT and Brian and I are always humbled to hear stories of the adventures God has taken him on. Darrin and his wife Vicki were friends of ours from VVCC days.

Then the Werch's came in for dinner. They have came to visit us four of the five years we have lived in Lincoln. That is dedication. We love to spend time with the Werch's because we laugh a lot when we are together and Hillary and I cry together too! On Tuesday we enjoyed doing laundry together, the boys went fishing, eating Jimmy John's, playing at the park, swimming and then grilled steaks! Noah their son even lost his first tooth! Full day but great renewal for both our our families. Their daughter Riley and our Rylee are great friends and they never stopped talking the whole time they were here. We ended the night with the Werch/Mills family tradition of eating raw cookie dough for dessert!

Then on Wednesday at lunch we picked up Jordan Hull who was up from Dallas attending LCC's basketball camp. We ate lunch and then went swimming for the afternoon. Jordan is 17 but We have known him since he was 6. He has a special place in our family...he is our family I guess you could say. The Maupin clan (who are from Texas too!) came over for dinner and then we "Wii-laxed" for a while. (Wii-laxing is what we call playing the Wii our new video game system.) On Thursday we took Jordan to lunch a Panera which is one of our favorite places to eat in our area.

Only the Holy Spirit can renew you through friendships that are separated by miles. It is good to know people that new you when...we feel like we grew up a lot in those years at VVCC and many of the people that we knew there were gracious enough to let us do it. That is a gift...to be among people who will let you figure out your gifts, passions and callings. To let you try and fail at somethings. Not everyone will tolerate that. We love our life in Lincoln and our friends here but those years and people hold a special place in my heart.

Regan's Birthday in Review.

Birthday Party crew out on the back deck of our house....getting ready to make Regan's gift.

Regan's Birthday was great! We delivered 26 bags to St John's. They were very appreciative and we all felt honored to get to make them. All the kids had a good time playing together and making the bags. This picture was taken by my friend Becca. Regan loved swimming, too! She swam for an hour and a half and just relaxed. Ryder and Rylee enjoyed getting to be in the water with her. Brian came for a few minutes over lunch the lunch hour and snapped some photos with my friend Shannon's camera. Thanks for all your prayers she was very awake most of Thursday and Friday. I know that was God's gift to us.

We have felt strong emotion over the last few days just thinking about our sweet Regan. She slept most of Saturday and Sunday. We hate to see her so tired but we are glad she can rest as much as she needs to.

Regan received many phone calls, cards, emails and gifts from many of you. She says thank you...mostly for being faithful to the journey with us. We pray that God will rest these memories deep within our hearts and minds. Memories of your faithful friendship, Regan's strength and what hope feels like.

Reg's is Six!

This morning we began our celebration of Regan..her birthday is today...the first day of summer. We are so proud of her. So glad she is hanging in there. We have a tradition of waking the birthday boy/girl up by bringing all their gifts to their room and opening them. But this doesn't always work with Regan because if she doesn't want to wake up you can't make her (she has been known to sleep through her bath and dressing!) So early this morning Brian and I were discussing what we should do today..and she began to sing and chooo. So we decided to try. First I got in bed with Regan and snuggled with her for a while. It was great because she was giving me great eye contact. Then Rylee did the same. Finally we brought in a few of her gifts but she started to get tired so we will save the rest for later. The big kids and I are taking her swimming this morning from 11-1p during the preschool swim time. Then this afternoon we we will rest and tonight a few families are coming over to celebrate her special day with her. Instead of brining gifts we have asked them to bring toys that can go in treat bags that we will take to St John's on Friday. There are around 25 kids staying their now so we will have a lil' bag of fun for them. This is a fun way to celebrate Regan.

It seems amazing that we have made it to this day. It is really a miracle. I am amazed by what God is doing. Sunday in church we sang a song that said, "You are the Lord the Famous One the Famous One Great is Your name in all the Earth. ...The morning star is shining through and every eye is watching You." Very true..I feel these six small years have caused people to declare that God is Great..they have been used to spread His fame throughout the earth. ..they have caused people to LOOK to the Lord.

Tears seem to flow easily over the last few days....especially now. I love that little one with all of me...More than I should probably. Rylee said a couple of days ago that this birthday kinda makes her sad because it is probably the last one we will get to celebrate with her. Her card to her said, "Life is Short. Pray Hard! Regan I give you this card because your life is short. Love, Your Sister Rylee." After she read it to her she looked up and said, "Well, all our lives are short really."

One of Regan's friend's Danielle (8yrs old) told her mom that she knew that God was alive because Regan is alive. It seems that Regan is giving us a gift on her birthday....just simply being with us. No gift we could give her could match that...so we will give her what we can..our time, love and devotion instead.

Legacy

When I think of father's day I think of legacy. It was great to have my dad was just here visiting this past week. He taught me to be kind to people who are struggling. My dad is a big guy but his heart is even bigger. I love big because he taught me to. He taught me to feed people. Friday night we had nacho night. We eat nachos from my Granny's (his mother's) pie pans. I can't make great pie in those pie pans but I make a mean nacho. When I entertain and feed people I always think of him. He is always generous. He gives and does without. I aspire to be that kind of person. He loves my mom. I suppose that is the great gift he ever gave me...a great love to aspire to.

My husband is a great dad. I could go on and on about how great he is but I try to save that for phone calls with my mother in law Vera. I figure the only person about side of our family of five that I can go on and on about him and it isn't bragging. A mom always wants to hear about all the great things her son is up to. Our Father's Day was great. Brian got a work bench for the garage and a small scrapbook. We took it easy...Church, lunch, nap (while the kids and I swam), and games. Brian always reaches out to the person on the fringe. He has passed this on to our kids. They are great about making sure everyone has a place. Brian is a great listener...he has taught me to be a better one. He is also a great communicator. Not just from the stage but in life. He is always explaining things to the kids and to me...simple things and complicated things. I aspire to be like that.

This is a bit of the legacy I received and a slice of the one I am creating. Happy Father's Day.

Time.....keeps on ticking..into the future.

Rylee loves to read to Regan. Regan loves Rylee. So it all works out. What a blessing summer is. I love it because I feel like we get to be a family more because there seems to be more time. This summer is a slower pace for us. Lots of setting out side, working in the yard, going for walks, riding bikes....time is a good thing when you have plenty of it. I think when you almost lose someone you appreciate the time you have with them more....you just appreciate more. We all have or moments through out the day that we spend special "time" with her. Regan has a slowing affect on time. Her pace is slow..she drags you into it with her. Sometimes you go easily then other times more kicking and screaming.

My parents are here visiting. It is always great when they are here. Rylee is happy because Papa buys her Bologna...I won't. Mom took Ryder and Rylee to see Shreck III. She also introduced them to the ADAM'S Family. My kids think it is so funny. Papa and Nana are also enjoying playing Wii. Again we have time together. We went to the pool yesterday and are cleaning out some over grown flowers on the west side of my house. It is hard work but rewarding. My legs hurt from the pulling and squatting. But it is time to get it cleaned out.

We also get time next week with some good friends from Dallas. We look forward to that time. It is always full of laughter. The "oh my I could wet my pants" kind.

"There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth: A right time for birth and another for death, A right time to plant and another to reap, A right time to kill and another to heal, A right time to destroy and another to construct, A right time to cry and another to laugh, A right time to lament and another to cheer, A right time to make love and another to abstain, A right time to embrace and another to part, A right time to search and another to count your losses, A right time to hold on and another to let go, A right time to rip out and another to mend, A right time to shut up and another to speak up, A right time to love and another to hate, A right time to wage war and another to make peace."
....I hope no matter how your spending your time you feel the favor of the almighty. .

Raccoons, books and bacon

Regan has had a great week. So Julie came and had a sleepover with Regan while the Big kids, Brian and I went camping overnight. It was great fun. We also camped with a family of raccoons. About 6 to be exact. At one point I pointed the flash light towards the forest and counted six pairs of red eyes staring at me....they are unmoved by people so you just have to get over it and get used to it.

At 9pm or so last night the four of us sat with our books in comfy chairs by a toasty campfire and each had a book in our lap. Rylee's reading Charlotte's Web, I'm Reading Harry Potter #6, Ryder the Han's Solo Trilogy, and Brian is reading Everyday Theology. Brian said, "We are Nerds!" It is true but it was good.

This morning we made breakfast burritos on the camp fire. Eggs, bacon, cheese all wrapped in a tortilla. I can't reveal all the details because Brian's mom would faint from knowing it all but it was the stuff movies are inspired from. Bacon grease on an open flame...we learned a lot and will do better next time. It tasted excellent!

Thanks for all the prayer...I would have never imagined that Regan would be so well that we could leave her for even one night. We feel like she is our little miracle girl. She was all smiles yesterday every time we told her Julie was coming to stay the night....who doesn't love a sleep over with their best friend. And as Brian said last night around our campfire, "If Julie isn't Regan's best friend then I don't know what a best friend is." Amen to that.

My folks are coming today! It will be great to have them here and for them to see Regan doing so well. The last time they were here she was in a very bad place. I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Dinner Table

When I was a kid my mom and dad were consistent about making sure our family ate dinner together at the table every night. Brian and I did even when it was just the two of us. I knew it was something I wanted to carry over to my family so I figured I better start setting the standard before the little ducks arrived. Some of the best conversations of my life have happened around a table with food on it.
Thursday night we sat around the Maupin dinner table and listen to Rob's dad tell stories of when Rob was younger. These stories have been told over and over. There are rhythms to them. They have been told so many times that people who weren't even there can tell them like they were there. My extended family is the same way and I think conversations like this work best around a table. It is the great equalizer. Everyone is circled up and facing each other.
Rylee had a sleep over on Friday night with her friends from school so I took Ryder, Brian and Regan out to eat at our favorite Chinese Restaurant. It is always great to eat out because I don't have to clean up so I enjoy it more. Ryder loves to read the "Chinese Year" things on the place mat. He reads them every time like he has never read them before. It always make me laugh because they never change yet he seems surprised that mine says "I would make a great parent." Every time he looks at me and says "Soooo true!"...even better is that it thrills me every time he says "Sooooo true!" like it is the first time he said it. The little guy makes me weak!
Saturday Ryder and I made a homemade Peach Pie. Ryder loves peaches and so I knew he would enjoy it. Since he is hitting puberty I reach for anything that will bring us together and this time it was a peach pie. We ate half last night and the other half tonight. Rylee was enjoying the peach pie tonight with Cool Whip on it. She said, "Me and this peach pie are tight we are so BFF!" Too funny....but so Rylee. Rylee says her sweet tooth talks to her and tells her when it is hungry.
I think that is why I love communion so much. It feels like the most natural place for a family to meet. To eat together and remember is just what family does. At a dinner table you can retell the great story and love it like it is the first time we heard this great story of redemption that is Soooo true! To love the wine and the bread so much that we are BFF!!!!! I just wish we could actually sit together each week around a great table.

Oh, the joys of a dinner table. Regan continues to be off oxygen. Praise God for good days. Monday is the last day of school for Ryder and Rylee we are celebrating by having friends over for waffles after school because they only go for 15 minutes. Crazy! I am sure there will be great conversation around the breakfast table.

The Long and Short of it.....

This week is a short week because Ryder, Rylee and Regan don't have school either Monday or Friday. I am having a garage sale tomorrow and Friday. It won't be big but I have a few things I want out!

Regan had a 45 minute seizure on Saturday evening. She had several that day so we decided to give her a special medicine we have for just these occasions. It is like Valium and we give it to her rectally. She can only take it a couple times a month because it is so strong and you can grow immune it if you use it to much. So, it worked and it knocked her out of the seizures and it also relaxed her chest so she is breathing easier now too. She has actually been off oxygen since Sunday. Praise God for that!

I've been thinking lately about how these days since Regan has been born have been long days. When you don't sleep much and you go hard when you are awake it makes the days seem long. Regan has had some long days ....the days must be long when you throw up all day,
cry all day because your shoulder sockets hurt because your shoulders sublux all the time,
your hip comes out of place for the tenth time,
you have fifteen seizures in one day,
your chest hurts from breathing so hard,
you pass your fourth kidney stone,
your muscles hurt, your head hurts,
my heart hurts watching all this happen. Regan has had some long days.....

Yet the years seem too short. It seems like only yesterday that we brought her to church for the first time (picture above) and dedicated her to God for His keeping all of her years. Little did we know how much help we would need. I must admit lately I just keep thinking I want more time...more years! Sometimes it makes me just plain mad at the few we may get. Six years just isn't enough. I. I am sure my mom would say it only seems like yesterday that I was six too! I think this is a feeling all mothers have about their children.


This morning Rylee and I were with Regan in her room while she had a seizure. Rylee of course made it there before me..she always hears them and response quickly. After a minute or so I said Rylee you should finish getting ready. She said, I just need to help her through this. Oh, how true that statement is...."we" just need to help her through. There is something about Regan that makes you need to be with her, need to help her, need to simply be....I'm glad we three girls have had each other these years. Though they are short they have been blessed
When the seizure was done...Regan looked up at Rylee and smiled. Rylee pretended to steal her nose, kissed her on her forehead and went on to brush her teeth.
................Long days and short years....blessed time.

Henri Nouwen said this "I see millions of lonely, starving faces all over the world, and large piles of dead bodies of people killed in cruel wars and ethnic conflict. Whose cup is this? It is our cup, the cup of human suffering. For each of us our sorrows are deeply personal. For all of us our sorrows, to are universal." (From "Can you drink this cup")


I wonder this..can I drink the cup of suffering...not just my own but the suffering of the world. I can not on my own. I can only bear it with the Holy Spirit power. I think it is one of the greatest paradoxes ...how suffering is so isolating but yet so universal. I wonder it if it is what the Evil one does with this our universal suffering..make us feel alone in it. It is his snare..the lie that no one else can understand. Our culture has bought it hook line and sinker. That only cancer patients relate to other cancer patients or mom's of kids with special needs relate to there mom's with kids with special needs. We need small groups of people just like us..in the same "demographic."
Is it that we think Jesus will understand us if we are around other people who are like us?

We have an even greater fear that if people really knew us they wouldn't like us. Often because we live in a society that doesn't know what to do with pain. We think that our response to our suffering and pain will be unacceptable to others because it is often times ugly. So in our response we will be unacceptable to others. So, we mask it, hide it or simply deny it is even there. What a waist. How lonely

Jesus at the last supper took the cup of redemption at the passover meal and said we should drink it and remember what he was about to do....that is Redeem us. So when we share in this cup with him we can not redeem but we make ourselves subjected to the process of redemption. We come in line with what He is doing. We, in our own pain and in bearing up with others in their pain, take the cup and we say "Jesus redeem this pain." We make it (the suffering) subjected to the work of the CROSS and it is made redeemable.

This morning I thank God for this. I thank him that every thing that man meant for evil He turns for good for those who trust Him. This is good because I am a man who has done evil and how has experienced it and seen it up close and watch it from afar. My hope is that HE is the REDEEMER and has a mighty plan of making it good. This turns my little isolated experience into part of a grand universal story of redemption. May we confess it and may we let our light reflect that to the world who is looking for it..even if they don't realize it. May we lean into it..and be embraced.

Picture of Rylee

Here is a picture of our sweet Rylee at the piano recital. We are just trucking through our week. Ryder and Rylee are so done with school. Regan is tired of coughing. Brian is teaching a class this week and I am just being a mom and wife.
God is good...all the time!

Silly little Rabbit

So a couple of years ago when we moved in this house I decided I wanted to learn about gardening and I wanted to have flower beds in my back yard. I love to be outside and I love to work so gardening is great fun for me. I even love pulling weeds. (We have them bad this year in my grass!) One of my favorite flower are "Black-eyed Susan's." They are about the size of a daisy but they are yellow with a dark center. They remind me of my mom. She loves yellow. She also loves to be outside and work so I probably get this from her. I miss her a lot so they make me smile.

Anyway, this silly little rabbit is slowly eating them. I thought I had lost from anyway from the late freeze but they are coming up and looking great. He has slowly but schematically eaten them. Everyone keeps telling me to shoot him with Ryder's bebe gun. But our paths never cross. ARRRRR...he makes me frustrated. Silly little Rabbit....go eat some weeds!

He won't eat the weeds. There are plenty of those. I would be happy if he would..he could have a feast..but no he wants my pretty flowers. Weeds are interesting to me..I heard someone say one time.."A weed is anything growing that you don't want in your flowerbeds." Very true. I love those tall orange day lilies I think they are called "Tiger Lilies" they remind me of Regan. They always bloom around her birthday. I had some in front of my house in Texas and they are all down the side of my house here. But many people don't like them...they think they are like weeds. My neighbors have been getting trying to kill of their "Snow on the Mountain" since I've known them. I have even planted some of their's in my garden. I love it...they are getting rid of it like a weed.
Jesus told a story about weeds once. In Matthew 13. He said "The weeds are the sons of the evil one, and the enemy who sows them is the devil." See weeds are from the EVIL ONE!

There are seasons in my life wither internally or externally Christ make me deal more heavily with the weeds in my life. I deal daily with the weeds that pop up (my temper flare, pride, or contentment). I want to deal with them before they take over. Then there are somethings that I realize "I don't like that anymore." It is like the my Day Lilies some think are weeds or my neighbor's beautiful vine I simply don't want them there. No one else my even notice but I KNOW it needs to go! It is hard work to keep all the weeds out and keeping my guard up against the work of the Evil One. It seems the Evil One won't destroy the weeds in my life he only goes after the parts of me that are most valuable. This process of of becoming the woman God wants me to be is done by the Holy Spirit, Me and in community....while working daily on this Journey with Jesus I am comforted to know this truth from the mouth of Jesus in Matthew 13....
"As the weeds are pulled up and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of the age. The Son of Man will send out his angels, and they will weed out of his kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil. They will throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. He who has ears, let him hear.

One day our job will will done. We won't have to pick our weeds because JESUS will have wrapped all that work up himself. Then we will shine! We hear you Jesus we hear you! Thank you for the HOPE! So, today I say go pick a weed and enjoy some flowers and remember watch out for those little Rabbits!

ps Regan continues to be on a steady flow of breathing treatments and oxygen. Her seizures were up on Friday but good on Saturday. So keep up the prayers. They are like a fragrant offering to God...and we see the fruit (or flowers) of them popping up all over!
pss Rylee has her Piano Recital today! I would say I would post pictures later but I STILL HAVE NO CAMERA!

Recovery

I have been thinking this week about the the process of recovery. It is a peculiar thing. We want it with a strong desire.
We want to recover from the flu.
We want to recover from alcohol abuse.
We want to recover our youth.
We want to recover from being made fun on in first grade.
We want to recover from a loss of sleep.
We want to recover money that was waisted.
We simply want to recover.

Yet it seems to me we really don't recover. How can you really get over hurt, fatigue, pain...yet we simply want life to get better. We want to make what happened to us better....we want redemption or something. We want it all to mean something.

Regan did so well when we first came home. Now it is not so good. It is all very difficult to manage sometimes. My heart longs for recovery. I can hear it in people's questions. They want her to recover too..Even Regan's friend Kate who is also six said to me yesterday as we walked hand in hand down a sidewalk. "My heart just aches for little Regan." Me too, Kate, Me too! It is our nature to want recovery.

So I wonder if we simply let go of recovery and learned to rest in renewal. It seems to be what Christ offers us. Job 14:14 says "I will wait for my renewal to come." Renewal is total a forward motion. To be renewed is to be made new. It seems different than recovery. It is moving forward and less about the past. Not that we shouldn't try to heal our past but we do it by the work of renewal currently......currently the Holy Spirit is renewing us. Giving us the power to live. Giving us the power to cope. Reminding us that it may not recover but there is still hope...the hope of renewal.

To great women

I read this great quote recently.
To great women.. "To being one, knowing some, and raising them." I keep thinking of this all weekend. I had the great honor of watching six women who had been in my Spiritual Formation Group graduate on Saturday. My heart beamed with pride as each of them crossed the stage. Three of them are going foreign missions (Africa, New Zealand and a Destination Unknown). Two of them our business majors and one will be a school teacher in a public school. I got to talk to my mother and my mentor on the phone this weekend. I spend time with friends this weekend who are great women. I got some good time in with my girls! All great women at various places on their journey...they have all helped me become who I am today. I think about all the women in my life that are great mothers and the list goes on and on. They are married, single, divorced but all of them strive to be the woman God made them to be...they work hard at it. They inspire me in big and small ways to become a great woman and to not grow weary at doing what is good. These women have spoken into me throughout my life and God has used them to change me and make me who I am today. I was raised by one of the finest..so there is hope for me yet! Thanks to you....We need more great woman. So, today the day after mother's day....
To great women.. "To being one, knowing some, and raising them."

Ps Regan continues to struggle with her breathing...there is lots of suction going on around here. It is round the clock vigilance to keep her stats us. Praise God for all oxygen tanks, breathing treatments, and meds that help her do all that she needs to do.

Ponderings....

Today Regan's seizures have been really bad. I hate them. I look forward to the day when she doesn't have to deal with them. It is painful to watch someone have one so I can not image how hard it is to actually go through them. I think of sin every time that she has one. I always have and I image I always will. I think...this is because of sin. No matter how glamorous sin looks it ultimately looks like this...after six years they still make my stomach hurt EVERY time...they don't get easier.
When Regan has one her breathing changes, she makes a different sound and her body contorts in unusually different and unnatural ways. They wake me from sleep, from eating, from laughing. If you spend time with Regan you begin to know the sound to...she almost always has a couple in the morning. when it starts the four of all yell..."Seizure!" at almost the same time. Then some or all us run TO her to comfort her through it. We can't make it stop but we are there. We know when she is in trouble and we respond in forward motion to her. She can't tell us..."hum I think a seizures is coming..it is going to happen in two minutes and last five..if you could plan on helping me out through it I would appreciate it." They come from no where....they last for different periods of time and they are at varying strengths. I hate them BUT I love her more!

Today I keep thinking how all this fits together with who Jesus calls us to be at the Family of God. What if we were so in tune with each other that we could yell..."Seizure!" for each other. I am glad I have people in my life who know me and respond to me. People who recognize when my breathing changes, when I start to say weird things, and when my actions contort in unusually ways that are unnatural to me. I am glad I have sisters and brothers in Christ that see I am in trouble and respond; their hearts to not grow cold to me when they happen a lot..they are with me in it. Sometimes sin comes from no where, last for different periods of time and are at varying strengths....some more palatable than others...all equally in need of grace.

Aren't we glad Jesus was a friend to the sinner (Matthew 11:19). He wasn't afraid of sin..or all the ugly things that come with it as it's side effects. He moved in forward motion TO it....not in retreat of it. Oh, I want to be more like that. Jesus make me more like you!

ps these pictures have nothing to do with this entry just a fun picture from this weekend at the pirate party.....arrrrrgggggg!

The Value of Family

We had another full weekend as this time of year usually is. We have been helping the Maupin's get their house ready. Rylee had her Spring Concert at church. We celebrated a upcoming wedding with a Shower for our Abby. Brian did lots of house projects for me. This marks two weeks for no oxygen for Regan. What a blessing! What a miracle!

I wish I could give you some pictures to look at but Ryder knocked my camera out of my hand today and Brian ran it over with the van. In this moment I was very mad. Ryder says I gave him that "You are going to die boy" look. I was speechless! I was shocked! I was mad! My camera was crushed. Those of you who know me well and know my home is covered in snap shots. I am a picture junky.....

Ryder is a sweet boy..a typical first born who hates to have anyone upset at him. He immediately apologized but honestly there is nothing that an "I sorry" can do in this situation. I know he is sorry and that he didn't mean to do it. But it doesn't change anything. My camera is crushed. When he apologized he said, "I know it doesn't help but I am sorry and if I were you I would still be mad at me too." It was a hard moment. I had to decide. Would I stay mad. When I am honest I wanted to. But it was just a camera. I told him I needed a few minutes to cool down. Then he and I talked about the value of a strong family. We have always taught our kids that people are more valuable than anything material. So, always share and make sure your heart is for the human not the thing. Boy that is easier said than done. I told him, "This is one of those moments Ryder when you learn that even though I am really mad at you I still love you and I think you are great; we are okay even though I am not okay."

I am often reminded at how difficult not coming from a stable home lives. So many of our students at LCC come from homes where their parents were horrible to them. It it those students who pop in my mind in moments like this. When I want to let my flesh win because I want to feel better. When I want to say something that will make him understand just how upset I am. I remember those students faces and I remember, I never want to say or do anything that will make my children think I don't love them.

It is a good reminder that it is in the home that we learn to love people, forgive people and learn to move on when we make mistakes. Inside our family is where we will fail, where we learn to cope, and then where we learn to build strategies for change. I know many of you who read this blog are mom's...What a great thing to be reminded of this week of Mother's Day. Our families are where are children learn how to live in the world, in their local communities, in their own families some day and ultimately within the body of Christ. Our families should inspire our children to want to find that kind of love in a mate and eventually make another family that creates this environment. This is the value of family.... not something dress up, be our little accessory, or build up for our own little ego or power struggles....the Family is Kingdom work.

Familiar.....in an whole new way.

I thought I would type a quick update...Regan continues to be breathing on her own. It is pretty amazing to see. I finally feel like this week I can leave her and not be continually worrying about her. It feels good to be able to be with her and not be wondering. Ryder has a crazy week so Regan is just coming along to be apart of her brother's big adventures. We are his biggest fans! (We might even be groupies?)

I just got back all the pictures we took a month ago...the picture that we thought would be our last family of five picture. It was a pose we have made a million times. We all knew exactly where to go...it was so familiar at such an unfamiliar moment. I think that is what we are trying to do now. Go about life in a familiar pose even though this is an unfamiliar time. We find ourselves experience great joy during these weeks. I have an expectation of them all summer long. I picture all of us swimming, camping, setting out on our back deck in the early morning listening to the birds and reading. Celebrating Regan's birthday on June 21. I see us doing all the things that are familiar to us. Yet enjoying them in a unfamiliar way. Be blessed today.